http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2 This is a meander into the thoughts of Isha on the challenges of life. Enjoy or not. en isha_on_life isha_on_life Thu, 19 Jul 2007 05:18:59 +0200 daily 1 He said "When you write I understand what you mean. It's as though I can totally get inside your head and see where you are at.!! It's direct psychic communication!!".   "Wow, that's weird." she said. "Is there a new-age phenomenon to explain that?" .... "I'll bet there is!". Hmmm psychic phenomena.. more and more curious as we evolve. There is no doubt we are developing more of these kinds of mind powers... I have mentioned before my great psychic skills.. always having a 'sense' of what to study for exams.. but that may have just been intuitive psychology .. Right now I am full of ideas. But, ideas are nothing until we do something with them.. I have so many ideas at times I can't choose where to begin, then I stagnate and do nothing. If I had an unlimited budget, wow, I would sure be busy.. after a mandatory 3month holiday, I'd be publishing books and producing music, organising courses..... Thu, 19 Jul 2007 05:18:59 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Random/4482/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Random/4482/ On 15 June 2007, my angel daughter was born.. After a pregnancy with its fair share of joys and upsets, she finally arrived, bold and as you please ceasing her crying when she was placed on my chest and latching on without questions to a nipple. Wow. Is this a dream!!??? How can it be that this creature came out of me!??...Childbirth was, in my mind, a major life-changing experience. At the time, I was convinced that I was going to die and begged my midwife for help which she could not give. I had no idea it was going to be "this" painful, how can I get throught this ?? I thought.  I am certainly bound to die right here. Thankfully, my fear was not realised. I survived and am here to tell my tale. Whoever tells you that childbirth is natural and a breeze - slap them!! It hurts like hell and damages your body, it takes weeks sometimes months to recover!! Men do not understand it other than being bystanders / witnessed to the carnage. I, yelled the house down. I was shocked at how... Sun, 08 Jul 2007 11:33:42 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Birth-of-an-angel/4481/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Birth-of-an-angel/4481/   Wow... Can this really be my life !! ???? The reality is where I am looks bleak. Is there such a thing as a public lynching ?? I believe I am entertainment for everyone .. Everyone in the whole country - ?..... A failure, a freak ? Continually spat upon. It does not stop. Please help! Sat, 05 May 2007 12:04:54 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Strange-Realisations/4480/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Strange-Realisations/4480/ Hmmmm.... I wonder, .. am I the only person this happens to?>?? Lately my life SUX!!!!! Nothing is going right!! I have been struggling with my struggles and getting so annoyed since I can't get things 'moving' positively. I applied for a grant and didnt get one... I applied to get a car, I didnt get one.... could my life suck any more!!!!!!!!??? Not so long ago I signed up with two net sites, one an online fanclub and the other, a writer's site. Now I can't access either of them!! Far out!!!! The fanclub took my money and I haven't even been able to log in.. the writer's site won't let me log in. What the hell is going on??? I have a feeling I am being 'erased'. The other year, I put a bunch of photos on to an online album - they all got stolen!!!! They were works of art!!! I have a bunch of ideas and projects I am always working on... you name it, I can usually come up with ideas and answers and my... Sun, 22 Apr 2007 05:29:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Creepy-stuff/4479/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Creepy-stuff/4479/ Crikey, this post is long overdue! Hi bloggers. For anyone who does read this blog, greetings and salutations and thank you for taking your time to read my words. In the past wee while, perhaps months.. I have been caught up in my own angst (as usual) struggling with ways to unleash myself from my own inner doom. So concerned with my own navel and how it should fit in to the world, I have overlooked an important factor... That is that I am actually ok and because of that I am responsible and I am setting an example to others.. Being 27 weeks pregnant (yes a miracle to behold.. something I honestly thought was no longer possible for me).. means I am needed by at LEAST one other person. I am so excited about this realisation I wanted to share it. Rather than being a leaf in the breeze I am in fact a centre and I am together, alive, healthy, and focussed. I am helping to create a life and already concerned and caring for a person who is very special... Wed, 28 Mar 2007 13:21:46 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Urgent-Communications/4478/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Urgent-Communications/4478/ Just reading an astrology site about the winding down of 2006. Apparently it is really important now, to do some reviewing of the year and inner work.. what has happened, why, how .. what things have happened this year that have happened to you before and what have you learnt etc etc. It is really important that instead of stagnating into bog this christmas we all try to move forward positively.. the over-riding emotional outlook we form now will shape us for the next 12 months. For anyone else who struggles with depressive tendancies, I wish you, I wish all of us a more positive outlook.. looking at the good, not the bad, the gain and not the loss.. the positive not the negative. I for one can't afford to be depressed another 12 months!! Personally I wish (if Santa is listening) for a permanently positive mindset from now on so that I don't make bad choices, trust the wrong people and think I am totally crap etc etc ... I also wish for the conspiracy... Sat, 09 Dec 2006 12:53:30 +0100 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Ending-of-2006/4477/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Ending-of-2006/4477/ Recently (last night) had a dream of a meeting with my all-time favourite movie star. In the dream we were smitten with each other, seemed to have known each other our whole lives and had taken off to a private sanctuary to spend some time together. There was no doubt in either of our minds about how we felt and a hello kiss automatically enacted, was so real I was frightened. The impression of his lips on mine, lingered well after I woke up. For some reason I have an inflated inner ego which tries to tell me that anything in life is possible if you believe it is and believe in yourself. Is this a survival mechanism natural to all of us? Right now I am in amidst a life challenge, providing significant stress so as to cause the odd sleepless night. Could be my inner ego is just trying to tell me not to worry so much, or, trying to be cruel.  My existence is by no means glamorous. I fail to see the point in my inner ego even suggesting I could be loved by a movie star. No... Fri, 08 Dec 2006 02:39:21 +0100 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Dream/4476/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Dream/4476/ In this year (2006) I have realised that I have travelled all over the East Coast of Australia seeking work and life opportunities. Each time I ventured out bravely, but each time, failed. Without a friend, guide or mentor I find I am wandering blindly and soon lose confidence in my course, in myself. When I finally stopped searching for someone else to give me a job, I discovered that I do have plenty of ideas for work. And I guess I have a wealth of experience and ability to draw on. In a recent post I mentioned that I had lost my livelihood. This is true - the career I trained for 6 years at university is ruined. I cannot find a way in to work in my field. I have been 'pushed out' and rejected by the giants that monopolise the area. Bullying is alive and well. I couldnt be any more tired of being rejected for jobs. It does seem an ironic and cruel blow from the world. I could not have gone to more trouble for my chosen career than 6... Wed, 13 Sep 2006 11:07:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Travel-of-the-spirit/4475/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Travel-of-the-spirit/4475/ I hope this will not be too personal a set of observations to make here, but today I have realised just how scary being Isha has become. Having had my brain periodically soaked in toxic chemicals, no, not recreational drugs - prescription, after 20 years or so, bar 2 or 3, I believe damage or permanent change may have occurred. Before all this started I had a natural 6th sense. There seemed to be a strong connection between myself and nature, animals, trees, the ocean. You could say that I was one of those people who can hear the whispers of the earth and tune in to all it's forces. No matter what was happening, I always loved people and knew that God loved me too, I felt like the world was too important not to believe in him, his energy, creation everywhere.  My psychic sense was not destroyed by chemical interference, just dampened, and, a 6th sense, of a sort has always remained. At times, I can, in fact read people's thoughts just by looking briefly at their... Tue, 05 Sep 2006 13:33:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Threatened-species-human/4474/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Threatened-species-human/4474/ Ode to thee, ...Keanu Reeves. Yes, I admit, a weakness for the mystique of Keanu Reeves. . but what is it about him that so enraptures the likes of me??.... Where do I begin!! I think I knew about him from a young age, maybe as a highschooler, a picture of him sending me into a daze. At age 23, I was a musician and had come accross a photo of him in a magazine.. He was standing with arms folded up, without a shirt, probably at a beach. I knew, 'He', was everything and more... There was something about his appearance that completely connected to me. Someone told me "go and find him!!".. but, I am way too shy for that!  Plus, I had a real fear of chasing after a moviestar - Me?!! Are you kidding!? More than any other actor, Keanu Reeves has it,  and he has just got better. I recall photo's of him and his sister Kim, he in a Brown Suede jacket.. I loved that jacket, but more so, the man within it. Keanu Reeves, the style icon,... Mon, 04 Sep 2006 08:19:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Ode-to-thee-Keanu-Reeves/4473/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Ode-to-thee-Keanu-Reeves/4473/ Being a sensitive person has made life interesting for me. I recently lived in a house which was haunted by a poltergeist. In the middle of the night the television would turn itself on always playing an old black and white movie. The house seemed to have a mind of its own. I revelled in my small space, a room with wall to floor windows, grey-blue carpet, light green curtains and cream walls. It was a 'green room' of a sort and in that space I found again my core creativity. One end of the room had ceiling to floor cupboards - I used it as a canvas finally decorating it with my artwork and favourite uplifting pictures. It was a sanctuary for me, a place of peace. To complete art, listen and play music, write as well as sleep and meditate. One night doing a meditation I had an incredible experience.. I started to get visions of goddesses and angels. One in particular was of a woman lifting up out of water surrounded by hands. As she lifted up the hands and the water... Sat, 02 Sep 2006 09:41:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Past-life-thoughts/4472/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Past-life-thoughts/4472/ Facing the world alone, emotionally or psychologically stripped to your bare soul because of tragedy, circumstance or ongoing loss, we all have one thing in common. We can either get up, dust ourselves off and move on or we can sit there and agonise in remosrse over what has happened. Sometimes we are the only person for miles facing a tragedy and it seems to be unreal and defy the concept of justice in the known universe. You might find yourself asking 'why did this happen to me?!!!' etc. I realise why it does happen. There is something that I, you, whoever will learn when we get through the challenge, the universe wants us to grow. As though we were getting gifts of impossible situations to get through and learn from. By getting though them, we gain insight, wisdom and strength which we can share. My attitude is I CAN get up and dust myself off, I ALWAYS DO and I ALWAYS WILL. But there is something else to this, something more... I KNOW that God... Thu, 31 Aug 2006 04:22:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/We-are-not-alone/4471/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/We-are-not-alone/4471/ Hi Bloggers... it is I.. the un-read, un-accomplished and terminally apologetic Isha,  returning to lavish my blog with words of my challenging journey. And believe me it IS a challenge!! Recently a short medical visit for a check up landed me in hospital for 6 weeks. A large chunk of life flitted away uselessly. I earnt no money and moved in no direction but back. Not to mention the experience was quite traumatic, pesky doctors with their 'medical models'.  I felt that I was lining up to become an experiment and keenly wished to leave. The days snailed past, minutes making up hours... towards the end I could barely sleep from the stress of just being there wasting my time. Finally, I realised that the hospital stay could have been avoided and cursed at the loss of 6 weeks of my life, the severing of my confidence, the loss of my faith in life and felt depressed and frustrated by all the outcomes including the weight gain (size 8 to size 12)!! ... Sat, 26 Aug 2006 13:21:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Back-to-Basics/4470/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Back-to-Basics/4470/ Truth is an ugly word these days.. so many people lie about what they really think, why they think it, how they feel about this or that and why it upsets them ... It seems to me that the best way to solve any problem is to talk about it. As soon as all the feelings are out in the open, the sooner they can all be addressed, considered and respected. I have no doubt that we are all in a constant state of growth. After all, that is what it is all about ( life that is ). If we dont grow, we cant reach our potential and obviously, it takes work, understanding and education. And.... nobody has all the answers which is why it is so important that we learn things from each other, teach, help. In the last year or so.. and I hate to bore people with details of my dull life. (Actually, I am very damm grateful for it.. ) I want to explain what got me through because I had very bad drepression.. Not that depression is such a harsh thing but it does have the... Sun, 09 Jul 2006 07:41:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Evidence-of-hope/43/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Evidence-of-hope/43/   So bloggers.. without the technology to add digital pics  - this is about as close as I can find to what looks like me. :) Right now I am living in a country coastal area. Its been raining here for about the last week. I always get around in black strides and my trusty orange scarf which doubles as a raincoat.. Am about 5"11 or so.. my hair is short (shorter than this) since I cut it off a while ago to begin a period of change and new growth - sort of a zen thing I guess.. rather start all over again. The puddles are mostly real - I negotiate them regularly. We need the rain here right now. I dont have any pets, but would love one of those iguanas and a dog or two. If you can see closely in my facial expression - it is me to a tee with the look of permanent fear, hope to be rescued, romance and optimism all in one. cheerio Sun, 11 Jun 2006 10:02:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Isha-s-yahoo-avatar/42/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Isha-s-yahoo-avatar/42/ Hi Bloggers. Sunday has arrived. I didnt really notice since I have been affixed to my PC most of the day and half of the night.. A curious existence that I have at present. Faced with a decision on my direction - return to an old possibility or move completely forward into an unknown future.. Having been living the life of a hermit / nun / etc. for quite a while now, and the thought of pairing up with a friend / even if an ex of most un-reliable nature, is appealing. As I live in fear of remaining as a life lost in space floating in a spacesuit, never to engage in human contact again.. my challenge is to create a world which is full of people - "to land on a new planet??" and become part of a world again.. The how to part is fuzzy.. but the intention and hope is there. If I could just make some progress.... a safe place to live, people that care,.. work. ? My loss has been so huge, it is barely describable - total ruin, loss... Sun, 11 Jun 2006 06:54:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Sunday-concepts/41/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Sunday-concepts/41/ Gidday bloggers.. sorry that this blog is becoming full of dull daily blabber... But! - it is the days that make up the weeks that make up the months that make up the years ... ??.. each minute important to the composition of each hour and ra ra  ... Today I am starting to try to piece pieces together, formulate theories and understand the world better and my place in it ..etc. One thing in particular - I have been trying to figure out why I have such bad luck getting jobs. I am a terrible liar - recently getting gob smacked when forced to improvise a work history so as to get hired.. obviously the person could tell I had absolutely no experience at all and politely mentioned that there were other candidates who did ra ra.. That was not so bad.. it is the outright rejection at the interview which I find upsetting.. You can tell after 3 seconds that you are not what they want, the interview lasts 10 minutes and they say - "we will call you". Then, they dont.... Wed, 31 May 2006 10:39:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Boring-daily-blabber/40/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Boring-daily-blabber/40/ Hi Bloggers.. For anyone who is reading this - life is changing.. I am taking a plunge into major transition, which I hope will be for the better.. I have left the hell place I was living in .. I didnt realise how much I hated my life and how I was living.. alone, lonely, all the time getting into a deeper hole in the ground.. was madness!! Anyway dont know how I managed it, have no money but... I did it!!! hoorrayyy for mee.. moved States and moved my worldly belongings into a storage place.. crikey!!! It is a brave thing to decide to change your pathetic life into something better.. :) more soon.. cheerio bloggers. Sat, 27 May 2006 19:52:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Transition/39/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Transition/39/ This is continued from the last entry, you have to read the last entry first... A Sci-fi, romantic adventure, possibly with comedy features .. blockbuster waiting to be made..  So..... Just as all the cult activated people in the world suddenly switch into destroy mode, all the other people in the world suddenly have the courage and fighting abilities of the prince and princess after the meditation ceremony. As attackers attack all over the world, men women and children fend off the threat with incredible dexterity and skill defending themselves perfectly, nobody is injured (?). This continues for a while until people retreat to hide out from the attacks. As this is going on the cult / rivals / bad evil family is trying to summon more evil powers to handle the battle, they call on demons and all measure of evil forces in the world they can find. An... Sat, 13 May 2006 07:04:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Screenplay-Continued/38/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/Screenplay-Continued/38/ This is a screenplay idea I have been working on.. It's a romantic save the world story which is what I love.. If anyone would like to make this movie that is fantastic, I bet it would do very well.. I see it as some kind of Spielberg inspired sci-fi type flick, with possibly a fair few sequels.. Enjoy! Starts with a bunch of archaeologists venturing through dusty cave way, newly opened by excavation etc... As tunnel opens up to a chamber light clears through the dust to reveal ancient text on a wall in an unknown language… Archaeologists spend short (?) time racking their brains to figure out text then finally interpret it. Text describes a prophesy about the birth of a 'prince and princess', who have a code in their eyes, are special beings bearing extraterrestrial powers, are from another planet etc etc and have important connection with extra-terrestrials. Prophesy states that when they find each other they will save the world from... Sat, 13 May 2006 07:00:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/A-Screenplay-by-IshaFive/37/ http://www.blogigo.com/soul_search2/A-Screenplay-by-IshaFive/37/