new entry
Mood: levelling
Listening to: silence
Hello - here is a new entry.. not that it can replace the old one... it is an addition.
I have been writing about a mysterious person who will remain nameless since they know who they are... I am very grateful for their influence, one day perhaps, we may meet again and even exchange phone numbers.. or we may never meet and the whole story will remain a romantic daydream to be part of a romance novel collecting dust in an English homestay.. it would make a good sci fi.
Right now I am busy sorting things out.. I never realised I had so much to sort out actually!! (and here is a tip for anyone who has baggage... take time out!!!) I have got so much more together from getting away from people.. I didnt have a telephone for 4 years!!, I stopped calling my friends and family, and stopped asking for advice, I just decided, its time to break free and I have!!!.
...in this space I dont need anyone's help, I dont rely on anyone for anything, I dont need anyone to give me any emotional support or guidance or reassurance.. I dont need love or a lover..I am happy to wait and will probably be able to find the right person, under the right conditions...etc etc.. I am expecting to be very happy with that, but even if I dont, I will be ok..
I have more confidence in my decisions, myself, my beliefs.. and I found out I had the most incredible strength too.. while everyone else is totally obsessed with how many people they know, who has a nice car, nice hair, nice friends, who went to harvard and who is marrying who... I learnt how to get by with just me!!! I realise now, I could probably handle anything on my own and under my own steam.. In this space I really get things done too!!! I have done heaps in fact its great.. I meditate, dance, sing, write.. I have written loads of stuff and figured out heaps of things too..
I became my own personal manager and mother providing nurturing when I couldnt find it in the outside world..or in the right amount / form.. I have totally lifted the boundary of what I feel about myself.. no way would I let anyone treat me badly, I wont take any crap any more.. I am comfortable in the level of self-respect I have developed..I am not up myself, I just decided I should look after myself better.. I am protecting myself, looking after myself.. its really pretty cool... I dont want to be a people pleaser again.. far out stuff that!!
