Set free
I am starting to fall in love with someone.. actually I have probably always loved this person, but I was too scared to do anything about it..How awful that fear can stop us from going after what we need or want.. the first time I saw his photo, I knew he was my true love.. when I found out more about him, I was certain.. we seemed to have matching souls as far as I could work out... he loved everything I loved, he thought like I did.. and of course, I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever seen in my life - his photo jumped out at me as if to say "Pick MEEE!!!", I felt like I knew everything about him, he was so gorgeous to me that I thought I would cry..I was captured right then, but my fear immobilised me... I put his picture away and set him into my mind as an impossible target....
After all this time of hiding my desire away.. I have started to think that I ruined my whole life. I cant imagine how happy I could have been if I had tried to find him... I have missed out on my real life in fact!!! All the time between then and now has been wasted on growing up!!......?
Thinking about this a little longer, I discovered that not going after my true love was not the only thing I had denied myself.... while I care about what I am doing in my current career, I noticed that I would probably have been so much happier and successful had I chosen a job that I truly loved... The trouble was that back then I felt a lot of pressure to make money, I wanted my family to be proud...I decided to give up on my dream.
Everybody tells us that we find success when we are truly "on our path"...this is probably very true!!.. When we are doing our best work, we at our happiest, we have more to offer the world and our relationships, we are more powerful and focussed, we have more confidence in our abilities and the process of the universe. We can give out our creativity to the maximum, people appreciate it and want us to do more, life overflows with abundance..When we are truly on our path, everything goes along right.. we can access every happiness, everything good can happen.. I dont think we find our soul mate if we are unhappy or on the wrong path....
... this probably explains a few things about why I am where I am.. I got stuck on a path that is growing weeds and drying up in front of me...it has been sapping my energy, draining out my time, costing me the earth!!, and it is not making me any money or any friends either!! - I am over-due for a change to something which will allow me to free my creativity, express my self.. get me back to a life that I love..
Somebody told me to make a list of what I want in my life partner..I think that is so hard...I should make a list of what I dont want- my true love is not going to meet my expectations, he is going to exceed them!! and thats what it is all about. I think a list is impossible to write anyway because it is finite.. it would take me the rest of my life to get to know him!.. every time I try to write a list - this is the kind of thing I end up with:
- tall, dark and handsome, honourable, loving, passionate, honest. He would want to take me out to things, dinner parties, dances, he would want to introduce me to his family and friends, he would want to be spontaneous, he would love me the person very much, he would see my potential, he would be very affectionate, caring and thoughtful. As far as looks are concerned, all I know is that he will know when he sees me. There will be something about me, that will capture him so that he keeps on chasing me even after he has got me, there would always be romance, he would go out of his way not to upset me or argue, he would worry about me when I am away, he is the type of person who would do anything for me as I would for him.
What I havent factored in to all this is that I am human and so is he!!! I was not brave enough to try to find him, but he wasnt brave enough to find me either.. I guess it is not all my fault and it is not his fault either..
What is really great about the world, nature, god and all the power of the universe is, that while we are here (alive and on earth), we have unlimited chances to reach our potential.. the universe, unlike people, never ever gives up.
True love - if you are reading this.. please forgive me that I gave up on you, I promise to find you - I am sorry, I have loved you all my life, I will love you till the end of time, I miss you and I dont want to live without you.
