Isha's findings

Mood: Positive despite circumstances

In this year (2006) I have realised that I have travelled all over the East Coast of Australia seeking work and life opportunities.

Each time I ventured out bravely, but each time, failed. Without a friend, guide or mentor I find I am wandering blindly and soon lose confidence in my course, in myself.

When I finally stopped searching for someone else to give me a job, I discovered that I do have plenty of ideas for work. And I guess I have a wealth of experience and ability to draw on.

In a recent post I mentioned that I had lost my livelihood. This is true - the career I trained for 6 years at university is ruined. I cannot find a way in to work in my field. I have been 'pushed out' and rejected by the giants that monopolise the area. Bullying is alive and well. I couldnt be any more tired of being rejected for jobs.

It does seem an ironic and cruel blow from the world. I could not have gone to more trouble for my chosen career than 6 years of university and use of all my financial resources. Without gaining the job at the end of the study, it feels like it was simply effort wasted. Perhaps I should ask my university to pay for my training in a new field? That sounds fair. THEY RIPPED ME OFF!!!!!!!!!!!

Being 36, I am also frightened of living the rest of my life alone. It may sound silly to think that way but, I have lost most of my friends and have no way or confidence to make more. I am actually quite frightened of people now. How I am ever going to find a husband is a mystery to me. I am so frightened of never having children, of living a lonely miserable rest of my life - broke!! That does not sound fun to me.

These days I take on an 'observer mentality'. This is where I participate without becoming too involved. I am collecting and processing information on societal culture, trying to see the parts which are illogical and need change. It may be that I am like a nun or a monk to others. Quiet, polite, thoughtful.

It is difficult to maintain positivity without positive feedback from the world.

I think that many people would rather I were not alive... which, gives me reason to live, just to piss them off!

cheerio bloggers.

 

Mood: Frightened

I hope this will not be too personal a set of observations to make here, but today I have realised just how scary being Isha has become.

Having had my brain periodically soaked in toxic chemicals, no, not recreational drugs - prescription, after 20 years or so, bar 2 or 3, I believe damage or permanent change may have occurred. Before all this started I had a natural 6th sense. There seemed to be a strong connection between myself and nature, animals, trees, the ocean. You could say that I was one of those people who can hear the whispers of the earth and tune in to all it's forces. No matter what was happening, I always loved people and knew that God loved me too, I felt like the world was too important not to believe in him, his energy, creation everywhere. 

My psychic sense was not destroyed by chemical interference, just dampened, and, a 6th sense, of a sort has always remained. At times, I can, in fact read people's thoughts just by looking briefly at their face. Sometimes I cannot stop the information and find it annoying, other times there is nothing.

This may be just paranoia but, I often feel 'judged' by complete strangers when I go out in public. I am agast to know how these strangers know me, where they got their information and who gave them the right to pass judgement on me anyway. Sometimes the messages that get through are nice other times not so good.

I saw a person today and a message popped out at me from her mind - she looked down her nose at me and the thought came out 'you don't deserve a new life'. I couldn't believe how cruel that was. She did not know me, how could she make a judgement?

Who is the person to judge?

Actually, I am not so fussed by other people's opinions any more. I 'd like it if people liked me, but we can't please everyone all of the time.

Hmmm this post needs work.

Cheerio bloggers

Ode to thee, ...Keanu Reeves.

Yes, I admit, a weakness for the mystique of Keanu Reeves. . but what is it about him that so enraptures the likes of me??.... Where do I begin!!

I think I knew about him from a young age, maybe as a highschooler, a picture of him sending me into a daze. At age 23, I was a musician and had come accross a photo of him in a magazine.. He was standing with arms folded up, without a shirt, probably at a beach. I knew, 'He', was everything and more... There was something about his appearance that completely connected to me. Someone told me "go and find him!!".. but, I am way too shy for that!  Plus, I had a real fear of chasing after a moviestar - Me?!! Are you kidding!?

More than any other actor, Keanu Reeves has it,  and he has just got better. I recall photo's of him and his sister Kim, he in a Brown Suede jacket.. I loved that jacket, but more so, the man within it. Keanu Reeves, the style icon, unashamedly himself, honest, crystal clear, gently tough, spiritual, without fear.

Keanu Reeves should be respected for what he has already done for the world through film. He takes on the most amazing roles. Everything is a message, a challenge. He is taking on the impossible and providing us with answers.

Keanu is indeed a gift to the world and blessed with the most gentle and loving spirit. Whatever his true romantic persuasion, I have no doubt he is a man full of love for the world and all the people in it.

Early photo's of the star with shoulder length hair gave him an American Indian look, powerful, spiritual, alive and over-flowing with creative talent. I loved him. He looked like a mystic, and a warrior. He is the original fairy-tale star, playing music, riding motorbikes, surfing and deeply spiritual,  generous, mysterious and supporting the world's causes. It is clear that Keanu Reeves is here for a reason.

After seeing Parenthood many years ago, it was completely clear that Keanu Reeves was to have a lengthy Hollywood career. I adored that film!!! Something told me that Keanu's character may have been something fairly close to the real, young Keanu. I suspect he is great to work with and remains cool under pressure, probably joking around with cast and crew. There is indeed a very healthy, down to earth quality about Keanu.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Bogus Journey were great fun further showing the emotional range Keanu is capable of. There seemed to be buddhist wisdom in those films too. Point Break got me completely hooked and as a fan, I am sure, like many other women in the world, I was jealous of Lori Petty.

My Own Private Idaho was moving and Much Ado About Nothing was great. Speed and The Little Buddah were excellent. Keanu was so composed and enigmatic in Speed, it was captivating.

Keanu's film choices say alot about him as a person. Was Neo the real Keanu?, perhaps. The Matrix Trilogy was incredible, taking us into worlds far into the future, into alternate dimensions. Martial art is such a gallant form of combat, it was exciting to watch. I loved them all, particularly Matrix Revolutions where Neo faces some of the hardest problems, then finally  (saves) the world. He is not taking on every day easy issues, he is taking on hard life challenges and asking us to question reality and contemplate meanings. I am guessing that is what he is really like, a thoughtful person who considers things carefully.

At one stage, I thought my interest in Keanu would never subside. It has definately upset a relationship or two. I was lucky enough to meet him in 1995 after attending a Bon Jovi concert where DogStar were supporting. Me the 25 year old fan showed up to see Keanu play in DogStar. It was a good show. I felt like a geek though, standing a head and shoulders above a crowd of teenagers.

Somebody found me after the show and asked if I'd like to meet Keanu, Of course! .. I remember nearly falling off my chair when he entered the room. It was very important to me, since he has been a significant influence. I tried to engage him in a discussion but couldn't, we seemed to communicate without words, he indulged me with an autograph. He said about five words, his voice was magical. I don't think he liked me a whole lot. That was a long time ago.  

I am a fan, but now I have perspective. We can't all be moviestars. If I ever get to meet Keanu again, great, and if not, that's ok too. Next time though, I will give him my phone number!! ha ha.

With the films Keanu is making now and the content they are covering, I don't think I'll ever stop being a fan. I love the challenges Keanu takes on, he takes them on with style and gusto. I want to see him in another 'save the world' movie one day and a romance and some comedy. But, to be a great artist I hope he gets to take enough time off. 

Keanu Reeves is what this planet needed, he is from the future, here to save the present.

Be blessed Keanu.

oh... and, Happy Birthday for the other day.

Listening to: Live 365 Trance

Being a sensitive person has made life interesting for me. I recently lived in a house which was haunted by a poltergeist. In the middle of the night the television would turn itself on always playing an old black and white movie. The house seemed to have a mind of its own.

I revelled in my small space, a room with wall to floor windows, grey-blue carpet, light green curtains and cream walls. It was a 'green room' of a sort and in that space I found again my core creativity. One end of the room had ceiling to floor cupboards - I used it as a canvas finally decorating it with my artwork and favourite uplifting pictures.

It was a sanctuary for me, a place of peace. To complete art, listen and play music, write as well as sleep and meditate.

One night doing a meditation I had an incredible experience.. I started to get visions of goddesses and angels. One in particular was of a woman lifting up out of water surrounded by hands. As she lifted up the hands and the water slipped away. Another was of a woman walking through a doorway lined with beads she looked over her shoulder through the beads in the doorway and was an image of strength and beauty.

Then I saw my hands clearly in front of me. I remember thinking well this is weird..because I could see them perfectly as though I were awake. I lifted up and the room was full of colour, predominantly orange. Before I knew it I was walking around on the ceiling and moved (floated) through the entire house. I think I got a little scared and headed back to my room and my body. I must have connected to another plane and then done some astral travelling as well. Interesting as it was I was relieved to get back to my body.

During my stay at the house and in the green room I made a lot of progress in opening up my creativity which had been stagnating. The house, possibly 50's vintage had great mistique. I happily worked cleaning it up, moving months of cobwebs and redecorating. It was as though after I had cleaned up and opened my creativity again it was time to move on. The impermanence of the stay did not bother me.