Holiday notes..
Mood: Silly silly silly
Listening to: library noises.. books being borrowed.. kids.. etc
Holiday??!!! Are you kidding!!!??? Forget it!!! Survive this and you're a bloody legend...
Arrived safely realised this was a bit crazy .. but - it's ok.. I can do this and anyway..I think he likes me but he is toying with me .. play along.. maybe he will notice my potential.
Day two.. breakfast - walk, smile.. dancing in my hotel room.. (very happy with the food here..)
Three days later, and no sign.. who am I kidding!!?? He doesnt even KNOW I AM ALIVE.. (stuff this..give up...quit while ahead.. ) take your polos and support gonks, - get the hell out... but how!!! trapped!!! eek!! The plan was working till now.. GET A NEW PLAN and hurry.. eek!!.. lost in deep space.. 'eek' emergency ..flip!!..
Five minutes later - back up plan. "The diamonds". Brought to you by lateral thinkers annonymous.. (I am the master of handling situations...) Be WARNED: Dont fence me in!!!! Diamonds supplied in case of emergency.... Concealed safely in my boot as suggested by fellow traveller - he suggested.. "whatever you do.. keep some cash in your boots!!!.." - advice taken.. diamonds made it in one piece ...
Plan.. find buyer, get cash, continue on holiday..Began seeking buyer... met man - offered to help me find buyer.. three hours later we had walked 25 blocks and no shop in sight.. ditched stranger - proved too strange for me.. had a nice lunch in some exotic location though - thanks for the table talk.
Found my way through the jungle to an exotic carpet store.. staggered in, fell on to carpet... store owner calls out in turkish accent.. "ahh miss, you would like to buy some carpet???.."
me: "oh.. ha, sniffles weakly (exhausted).. No.. but would you like to buy some diamonds???"
(the diamond plan was basically this.. when in a foreign land - be prepared to be burnt.. dont take it personal.. get funding from a higher source.. when talent fails - rely on your resources!!...holidays must go on!!!!)
shop owner: ".. diamonds ehh?? well, it may be.... can we have a look at them??"..
me: "sure oh sure.." (scrambles humbly into pocket - produces ice in quaint plastic wrap.. passes them over to shop owner..)
shop owner looks upon them - eyes light up.. "I see.. (in wise turkish accent..) how much do you want for them??"
me: "..well, they were my grandmothers.. (blatent lie - they were a gift from my mother - (she is RICH!!)).... I want ....(need) 10,000 US....?"
shop owner: .. (pauses, looks me sqarely in the eyes..)." will you take 9,000?"
me: (pause)... laughs with relief ..."yes!!! - of course!!.."
shop owner:... (makes phone call, speaks 5 words to assistant in turkish..).. " how would you like the money??"
me: .... "..ummm..1000 cash, 8000 travellors cheques ?"
shop owner: "ok but... we need to go to the bank.. can you be here tommorrow at 9am"..
me: "..ok.. would you like to take them now and pay me tommorrow?"
shop owner: "..its ok.. I think that we trust you.. see you soon".
me: .."of course, thank you..(very happy)..(I could of kissed them!!) ".
shop owner: "where are you going now??"
me: "BACK .... to HOLYWOOD, goodbye"..
me: Staggers out humbly... wow!!! - Now this is gonna be a great holiday!!!.....
After this I made my way back to Hollywood. I don't want to bore you with the disasterous details of what followed... but basically I didn't get back to the Carpet Shop to pick up the money... and, I ended up going back home early - I did NOT get to have my holiday.. it was pretty sad all round.
The only thing that was funny about it all, was, when I got back home, I took my diamond earrings in to a jewellers to get a valuation. The jeweller told me they were fakes, zirconias, but good ones. I was shocked!! My Mum is a cheapskate!! ha ha. But then I felt proud, I really am a great actress - that man in the Carpet store and his assistant believed me, they were going to give me 1,000US and 8,000 in travellors cheques ... how cool!! :) ...
