Isha's findings

Mood: ambient
Listening to: some dance pop in the e cafe.. la la la la

For 5 days straight, I have been thinking on events of the past few months.. it seems as though everything is interconnected into everything else.. and as ever, its not only been the last few months which has resulted in this now.. it has been the last few years...!!!

Speaking to a friend recently, we ended up joking about our collective adventures... while she is settling down, I am still on the hop rapidly approaching middle age and mediocrity.. been entertaining sweet dreams of romantic happy endings in which me as the beautiful princess is saved from doom and familial torture by a handsome prince.. who of course, whisks me away one night after kidnapping me on my way home from the grocery store... its a cute fantasy and I like to think I am worth being rescued in such a way.. but I doubt anyone else would agree.. as much as I hate to admit it.. I am the only person that can rescue myself.. which obviously, I am working on... but of course, I wont be shaving my head again, getting a tatoo or joining a rock band again just yet... I like the safety of my less than challenging existence in which I am not allowed to show my talents ... living like this keeps me sane,.. but also a chronic sceptic, slightly disgruntled, mildly rebellious and just about always free of criticism.. when I finally realise that sacrificing all the things I want to do and trying to please everyone else so much has wrecked my whole life, maybe I will get off my high horse and do something about it... :)... or start hanging around more at the grocery store...

What can I doooooo!!!!!!!!!

... :(

oh no.....

Mood: mild panick
Listening to: Groovy Feeling

If you really want something bad enough.... what would you be prepared to do????........................... that is the question......  I dont know... I have been thinking about how to change my life for a while now.. writing blogs seems to help with working through the thoughts and getting out the ideas....

I believe that we all have to realize - its not only up to us.... the universe will provide a way.. a path.. which should lead us to the right place (generally speaking..).. and no-one can prevent us from creating our destiny, achieving our future...

The other day I lost my shoes on the beach.. nobody else was about...it was as thought they just vanished!! magically disappeared into the sand....as though they were never even there... it was weird.... someone said it was because my path was changing.. I agree... I just dont like walking into the darkness / the unknown....especially without any shoes!!!..

Is it that the bareness of my feet walking on a new path means that I must toughen up??... does it mean that I am exposed????.. emotionally naked????... lost??... have lost my dreams???...... does it show that I am afraid of not being able to reach my dreams??... (without the equipment to make the journey..??).. I feel like I must work harder, walk without help, risk more.. Do whatever it takes to reach my goal... maybe it is a sign I am losing it....(??)

Actually, I think it may be a good thing, moving forward, not returning to old patterns (old shoes).. forcing myself to get new shoes (get a new life and new path..)..change course.. that's gotta be it.. :)

 

 

Mood: embarassed
Listening to: something loud electronic, e-cafe tunes..

I have just realised that you can change all of the fonts, colours and backdrops on your blogigo site...  (ha )..

 

Today is a day to remember where your heartstrings are.. the films of attachment which keep us whole, remind us of our sensitive selves.. bring us back to our core.. what are we without love??.. just a mass floating through life, existing in a self appreciating way.. consumering, detached, feelingless, digital.. Love gives us a purpose...makes us three dimensional.. When we are needed and also need others we have a place in the greater universe, the scheme of things.. this allows us to reveal our heart, vulnerable though it may be... showing it defines us as feeling beings, sentient.. effected... alive.

On this day I send love to someone special - they know who they are.. I am thankful for my association with another that gives me joy, lights my days, gives me hope... we have not spent a moment together in many long months.... the absence gave me time to gather my thoughts, assess my feelings, realise. Even if we never meet again, we have shared something special which now defines us... there is proof that we knew love together... this will always be a part of me. I am whole, complete, content.

 

This is the first page of a new chapter...

When the pages are not being turned, time to write a new book... :)