The utterly boring life of Me

Mood: Hopeful
Listening to: How far we've come - Matchbox 20

No one should have to live their lives with that feeling of hopelessness in their hearts, and complete and utter misery. i'm one of the unfortuate ppl who have had to put up with this. there is no one word to describe the pain, the only word i can think of is alone. Alot of horible things have happened to me in my life, things that can haunt a person forever, in a way, i feel as if i'm trapped in a prison, a prison of my own misery.

I wish i could smile, just once, without crying straight after.

I wish i could sleep, just once, without a throbbing headache from crying.

I wish i didn't have to lie, every time i say i'm fine.

 Why do i always feel as if no one can here me every time i scream out for help? i always fear that maybe i'm to far gone to be saved from this feeling.

There...is....hope. i will not succumb to this feeling any longer. i wil not surrender to my depression. i have to learn to stand on my own two feet, learn to not give in to the darkness, learn to see the light. I know that there is hope, that there is a way out, an answer to help me get back on track and back to my old life. for so long i've been unable to talk about my problem, this site has really helped, it gave me my chance to make things right by just simply letting my feelings out in a safe way. for that i am eternally thankful.

For the first time in my life i feel..........free.

Mood: depressed, as usual
Listening to: Remember when it rained - Josh Groban

I'm cryin everyday again, at just the thought, of how lonely i feel.

True. i have a loving family around me, a few friends, but yet i still feel completely alone. My body is in physical pain from how lonely i feel, its like, i can't sleep, or eat, and i have this endless emty feeling inside of me. all the joy of the holidays left me a long time ago.

Have you ever woken up one morning, and you feel like you could cry all day? try having that feeling every single day.

I've lost..... all my pride. I've forgotten what it feels like to be happy.

Mood: miserable
Listening to: sleep - meiko

well once again i'm 100% miserable at just the thought of how many rules and regulations there are in this world, sure most of them i can understand but the number of pointless ones there are is ridiculas!sorry spelling. it really does make you feel small, like your trapped. All my life, i've never felt happy or anywhere near greatful for being alive. i am grateful for a few things though, like my friends, and family, but at the end of the day it doesn't change how i feel..............about anything.

Mood: Sad
Listening to: Wherever you will go - The Calling

Well yet again my friend *** is talking about nothing but lisa, its always lisa this and lisa that, he hardly ever talks about anything else and i'm starting to feel completely invisible again.

 well i'm not friends with lisa anymore, i couldn't take being invisible anyore with her so i just stoped caring and no we're not friends,if ur wondering y its becoz she never did anything with the rest of her friends (including me) and only did stuff with eliza, when shes with her she forgets the rest of us excist, some friend she is.

I've been crying alot more lately, i'm trying really hard not to but, its difficult.

Michelles being her usual clingy self, man sometimes i wish i would just say 'STOP BEING A CLINGY NEEDY LITTLE FUCK!' to her but then she wold have a tantrum and make me out to be the bad guy, shes stealing my life!! she calls me at least once every single MOTHERFUCKING day and is the first one to ask me 2 hang out as soon as its friday! well i'm not going 2 let her cling onto me anymore cos dude its really starting to piss me off!  

 not much apart from that at the moment.....

sorry about the really short entries but my life is really boring i have nothing really to say.