The utterly boring life of Me

Mood: undescribeble
Listening to: Red - pieces

Well...... lets begin with whats happened since my last entry. not only have i been battling a serious case of depression, but i have also been having huge fights with my mothe who i recently found out doesn't like who i am, i'm falling behind at school, basically the entire school hates me, half my family hates me, i got raped last week and have to go to court next week, so really my life seems to be going down the drain.

and i thought i was depressed before.

i'm not giving up, i'm just saying it would be nice if everyone would just give me a break. whether they believe me or not........ i am trying.

my entire life, all i've wanted was for my life to get back on track. its starting to now. no ones helped me, apart from the family that does still love me for me. but for most of my journey through these hard years, the only person that truly helped me, was myself. i know, a million other people have far worse lives than me, and if i could say just one thing to them, it would be i'm sorry, because i can say i slightly know how they feel.

Mood: pissed off
Listening to: Bleed it out - linkin park

it seems no matter what i do, the entire world judges me by what they see, it doesn't matter to them how hard i try, no matter what i do they treat me like i'm a freak, an outcast without even giving me a chance to show who i really am. sometimes i just wish i could....throw a computer screen at them! i'm sick of feeling like no one cares! i'm being suffocated by this person everyone seems to think i am.

just because i'm quiet and don't say much doesn't mean i'm a freak, i don't say much because i don't have anything to say, and im quiet because i don't see the point in talking if theres nothing to talk about. ! i'm so fucking sick of acting like a goody little two shoes jsut to keep everyone happy!!! so u know wat, if u don't like me fine, jsut dont treat me like i have the plague or something.

Mood: Pissed off
Listening to: nothing

i'm so sick off hearing about people in hospital from being beaten up, or guys killing animals, or about bullying problems at schools on the news. mankind from all i know is cruel. seriously, some people beat up others just cos they feel like it, some people purposfully try and make other people lives hard, like bullys at schools,  and some people like to torture other living things like animals and birds just for their own pleasure, and then theres always the murderers,pedifilers,rapists,and all that i mean seriously, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS?!?!?!!!! some people are seriously fucked up and wat can i do about it, nothing, nadda! i have no idea how these people can live with themselves, knowing they've probably ruined someones life! yea sure i know people make mistakes, but if they don't give a shit about wat they do then i wish i could rip their eyes out through their fucking ass. thats all i really have to say at the moment.

(soz to the ppl who got offended by this but its just my point of view)

Mood: annoyed at myself
Listening to: please be mine the jonas brothers

well to be quite honest i'm seriously pissed off at yself right now. see i really REALLY like this guy, we'll call him bob =P and he's really this amazing guy, he's nice,funny,handsome, and all that, and all i can do is be a wimp and not even talk to him!! we went to primary school together and now we go to middle school together. we've had all these moments that i thought could only happen in movies, like when you stare into each others eyes at a distance and they just lock, and everything seems to go into slow motion lol i know it sounds ridiculas but it happened between me and him. everytime i see him its like my insides just melt and someones sqeezing the air out of me

well away from that subject, i've been thinking about what i want to do with my life, and i've always with all my heart wished i could become a singer, or be the singer in a band. i know theres probably a million and 1 other people who wish the same thing, but i just can't help it =] i'm not trying to brag or anything, but i am a pretty darn good singer, everybody i sing to says if i tried i could go far, but i know its really a 1 in a BILLION chance that i'll acually make it. you have to think about how much money goes into just getting singing lessons, an agent, learning the guitar(cos i want to) and all that other stuff. and if i don't make it all that money will have gone to a worthless cause that didnt even get anywhere. its really quite depressing when you know your dream is something you will probably never achieve.

Listening to: hold on - the jonas brothers

so basically this blog i'm doing right here is just for all you people who feel life isn't really worth living or that you have no reason to live, all i can really say is i know how you feel, trust me! if you give life a chance, there are so many wonderful things to live for, you may not see them now, but i promise if you just hold on you'll see them soon enough.

if you feel like no1 cares about you, who really cares? there is always at least 1 person who would do anything for you even if you don't know it. just keep a smile on your face and keep your head up high.

if you feel like there is no reason to live you couldn't be more wrong =] think about the good things, like friends,love,dancing in the rain, rollercoasters,music!! think of all the compliments you've recieved and forget the nasty remarks, remember all the good times and look forward to many more!

Have hope, don't give up and keep your head up high and before you know it, you'll be on top of the world =)

remember, the only person standing in your way between you and your happiness, is you.

I'm going to finish this thing now with just 3 words.

Never give up.