http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley Award-winning Blog, running since 2004, which provides an astoundingly honest, candid and sometimes jaw-dropping insight into stand-up comic and best-selling author Janey Godley's extraordinary collection of domestic crises, marital tiffs, horrific nightmares, romantic interludes, oddball travels, meetings with ‘mad, bad and dangerous to know’ people with occasional hilarious incidents. ‘Not politically correct’ ‘Not normal’ ‘Sexually explicit’ ‘Verbally explicit’ ‘Highly addictive’. en janeygodley janeygodley Fri, 29 Aug 2008 11:22:00 +0200 daily 1 There has been an explosion of ideas and technology the past ten years. These have mostly come from the creative kids who grew up in the 1960s and 70s. Decades where these kids grew up without electronic games, DVDs, multi channels on the TV and no one knew anything about mobile phones. Yet their innovative ideas created the majority of the latest gizmos that dominate today's society. Children, who fell out of trees, stayed too long in the sun, drank out of ponds and more often than not spent summers with nothing more than a ball and a stick. We made dens out of dirty blankets and tried to tame vicious dogs, we ate bread and sugar, stole rhubarb from gardens and ate it in bulk without washing it and we stayed out till 10pm in hot summer nights without mobile contact. The kids I knew never had access to video cameras yet we played out scenes from Kung Fu movies and imagined the cameras to be right there capturing the action. We explained entire movies, scene by scene,... Fri, 29 Aug 2008 11:22:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Imagination-is-more-important-than-knowledge/4242/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Imagination-is-more-important-than-knowledge/4242/ It's all over for yet another year and the newspapers are still reporting on the ‘down turn' of the ticket sales and problems with the ticket box office. Even the good old Scottish weather has become a feature in itself. The splashing showers got more attention and reviews than some heavily financed shows this year. My own personal look back at this year's Edinburgh Fringe is wonderfully optimistic. Despite all the gloomy news about the slump in ticket sales, I had my best year ever. Some reviews of my show were less than favourable, yet I sold 60% more tickets this year than any other. Which makes me wonder if the reviews do sell the shows? When I got a host of four and five star reviews back in 2006 and 2007 I was playing to fifteen people a night. This year my lowest audience was 90 punters. So what does make the show a success? Is it the word on the street? Early press and features? Is it the gritty hard working Flyering team or just a plain... Wed, 27 Aug 2008 20:17:42 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Fringe-Rumours/4241/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Fringe-Rumours/4241/ I wrote this last night when I couldn't sleep... It really is the middle of the night here in Edinburgh. I am staring out of the big ceiling to floor windows into the dark night sky and all I can hear are gulls screeching their odd hollow laughter at me. It's like the echo of the stage. So that's another Edinburgh Fringe Festival over and done with. My 7 th year of solo shows to be exact and I sit here quietly. The whole house is asleep. Husband is happily snoring and daughter Ashley is exhausted and lying half in, half out of her flowery duvet in her bedroom, I peeped in to check she was ok. I do that every night of her life when we are in the same house. Ashley worked really hard this year organising the Flyering team and making sure the public got my face on card in their hands despite the rotten weather. The show this year has been my most successful to date. We sold 60% more tickets this year than last. The fringe had been fraught with problems from day one as... Tue, 26 Aug 2008 18:22:40 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/It-s-all-over/4240/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/It-s-all-over/4240/ I haven't blogged in at least a week and I am so very sorry. I am still at the Edinburgh Fringe and the rain hasn't stopped yet, so I am pissed off with it all. It really has made the Fringe really hard, the audiences have been coming in dripping wet, and I feel so sorry for them. Though they have been wonderful and I love the fact they still come to see me. I am lucky in a sense as my venue ‘The Pleasance Dome' has inside queuing facilities and the audience can enjoy a hot coffee whilst they wait. Each night I walk through the queue to my show, and watch out for kids. As adults have still been bringing young children to my comedy show, I have no idea why, as the show is clearly labelled for 16 years and over in the brochure. Living at the Fringe is quite strange, the whole family have to decamp to a new flat and we all seem to fit in fine. Each person taking their own role in the circus that is my life, Ashley gets the Flyering done and husband looks after food and cleaning... Sun, 24 Aug 2008 14:36:32 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Getting-on-with-things/4239/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Getting-on-with-things/4239/ Last night I won the Nivea Funny Women Award, I got loads of lovely skin care products and a thousand quid! The award show was running late and I just managed to mutter some of my speech, I knew I had to run off to a late night gig at the Gilded Balloon, so my daughter Ashley did most of the speech for me. I have a video of it all and will post it soon. I am exhausted this morning and feel as though I have been hit by a truck, I am groggy and tired for no good reason. My show at The Pleasance is going well, audiences are wonderful and all would be great if the rain would just stop. Each night the show changes slightly according to how I feel and I love just improvising and dropping new bits in when I feel like it. Ashley and her mate Victoria are out Flyering daily, in rain and shine, I love them both. Thu, 14 Aug 2008 04:51:59 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/The-Nivea-Funny-Women-Award-2008/4238/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/The-Nivea-Funny-Women-Award-2008/4238/ I have been here now for two weeks and had ONE review! Granted it was a great FOUR star stonking review, but I am annoyed that's all I am getting so far. The show is selling out well at weekends and that's really cool with me. Mid-week the numbers are a slightly lower as not as many people are coming to the Fringe mid-week as previously assumed. The credit crunch seems to be having some financial effect and that's worrisome for the shows. We depend on the cash through the ticket sales, as it costs about £10,000 to put on a show at the Fringe. Ashley is on the streets every day handing out the flyers, and she has a great wee team with her who manage to get my name out there. The problem is the bloody box office system, first they tell people that there are NO tickets left for me, then deny they said that, and then offer other shows to people who want to buy my tickets, and then deny that as well. But luckily Ashley went in to the Fringe Box office and pretended to be a punter and asked... Sun, 10 Aug 2008 19:36:46 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/The-Edinburgh-Fringe-2008/4236/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/The-Edinburgh-Fringe-2008/4236/ At the Edinburgh Fringe, you do nothing but run about organising tickets, Flyering teams and making sure the box office hasn't screwed up the tickets YET AGAIN! My show is at Pleasance Dome at 7pm every night and it's going great. I have had a wonderful 4 star review and the other reviews haven't been printed yet. The rain in Edinburgh really flooded the city over the past week and that has affected sales big time. The good news is, I got to meet the amazing Joan Rivers, I got to have sell out shows and I got to see my best mate Monica, her sister and her mum. They all came through to see the show. I have been video taping some stuff for a video blog and Ashley and husband are exhausted with the organising and Flyering side of things. Poor Ashley looked like a seal as she stood in the rain for hours handing out the leaflets promoting my show. I feel so sorry for her and the other guys that are helping me; I hope the evil rain goes away soon. Good news... Sat, 09 Aug 2008 18:49:34 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/I-am-a-comedian/4235/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/I-am-a-comedian/4235/ I am officially dead, well not really or I wouldn't be writing this blog. But I have been touring right up till the day I arrived at the Edinburgh Fringe. I am exhausted and happy and clearly not dead. My show is at Pleasance Dome at 7pm every night, and people keep bringing kids to the show, which is freaky and odd. Meanwhile Ashley is Flyering like a devil out in the sun/rain that is Edinburgh. She is all sunburnt and sneezy. I love her dedication and hard graft. Yesterday I had a big fight with my hair and then decided to get most of it cut off and I did. A great hairdresser in Lothian Rd took up the challenge and my hair is the shortest it's ever been in 40 years and I LOVE IT! It's not gym teacher short, just short enough to manage. The show is going well, I made it up when I got here and it's all god fun. Sorry I have been slack with my blogging, please forgive me? I am alive. I will write more tomorrow and give you juicy gossip and... Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:26:30 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Sorry-but-I-killed-myself/4234/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Sorry-but-I-killed-myself/4234/ Ashley and I were watching a wedding in a movie tonight and she asked me about her dad and mine's wedding preparations. So I told her. It was the summer of 1980 when we decided to get married, we settled on a date in late September. We had already been living together, I had turned 19 and husband was still 17 when we got the plans together. God, we were so bloody young, what were we thinking? I wasn't pregnant and we didn't have to do it, but I thought I loved him enough and basically we wanted to escape our families and make a wee life for us. I recall cycling on my wee red bike into Glasgow city centre to a wedding dress shop. The first dress I spotted was £58 it was on the sale and it fitted fine, so I bought it within six minutes of being in the place. I didn't really see wedding dresses as a big thing, to me it was like a work uniform or some sort of attire that was required for the day. I didn't once consider style, shape or size; I was pleased I got one cheap.... Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:00:22 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Weddings-make-me-think/4233/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Weddings-make-me-think/4233/ Friday morning was hell. I woke up to get ready for a photo shoot in Glasgow's East End (Shettleston actually, my home town) as I had written an article for the Sunday Herald on the forth coming by-election. Whilst washing my hair, I heard Ashley being very sick. I hate it when my child is sick, even though she is 22 years old, it strikes fear and pain in me to see her unwell. Ashley finally feels better and I somehow start vomiting instead. Now this is too busy a day for me to be throwing up, I have to do a photo session then get on an aeroplane to Cardiff, so I get stressed more and puke up more. Husband holds my hair back as throw up more bile into the loo. The make up I had carefully applied for the photo's was now either being sweated or smeared down my face. That's when the photographer called me from his car to let me know he was downstairs waiting. We had time issues; I had to get the pics done before 11am so that I could get to the airport in time for the flight.... Sat, 19 Jul 2008 19:25:29 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Things-can-go-wrong-and-my-mammy-is-a-seagull/4232/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Things-can-go-wrong-and-my-mammy-is-a-seagull/4232/ Writing a weekly column for a famous Scottish newspaper has its ups and downs. My column gets printed on a Monday and the deadline is Friday afternoon. I love to see my photo and all my words printed in The Scotsman and the novelty of reading it aloud in the living room is slowly wearing thin on my family, but I am still chuffed. The downside is this- Each Monday after the column is printed I have the shocking fear and slow drip-drip of anxiety that I have to do it all again for next week. What the hell will I write about? Does anyone really want to know about my lack of organising skills? Shall I talk about Ashley's lack of love life? Will she hate me? Do the readers despise me and rip up my column so they can wipe their ass on it? Do other journalists hate me and mock my words? You see I am a stand up comic to trade (if that is an actual trade?) and I work live in front of people who show their immediate distaste or appraisal in the moment in front me....waiting to be... Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:32:21 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/I-m-a-comedian-get-me-out-of-here/4231/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/I-m-a-comedian-get-me-out-of-here/4231/ I went to a small experimental theatre show in Los Angeles many years ago where young students were putting on their ‘work'. There comes a point in everyone's life where they sit in a studio, theatre or gallery and stare at something that the middle class cognoscenti deem art and you recognise it as mental illness. I recall watching an anorexic French girl with a geometrical blunt haircut throw broken plates at an empty box as she recited the bible. She was a mix between my mammy in an alcoholic induced rant and Joan of Arc in her ‘black period'. People cheered when she fled the room threatening to kill herself in broken English. I was seriously worried about her well being, I never mistook her emotional breakdown for art. Other people did. I saw her in the car park cutting herself with her broken pottery and I didn't know if I should intervene or give the display an appraisal. I wrestled her to the ground to get the sharp object out of her hand. Turns out that was part of the... Tue, 15 Jul 2008 18:24:50 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Art-I-don-t-think-so/4230/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Art-I-don-t-think-so/4230/ I saw a programme today about a young woman who pulls out her hair bit by bit; it is a form of self harm and she has permanently damaged her scalp. It made me shudder to watch because I was a hair puller as a child. I used to lie in bed, pick out a section of my hair, tie in a knot at the end and tug it till it came straight out of my scalp. The flesh on my head would bleed and I would then throw the clumps of hair under the bed. One day my mammy found loads of the hair and on closer inspection noticed that I had a bald patch on the side of my skull. She couldn't figure out why I would do such a thing. I never explained it to her properly. I was sexually abused as a child and somehow discovered hair pulling as a way to divert the pain by ripping out my hair. I did eventually explain to my mum about the abuse, though somehow she chose to ignore my words and therefore allowed her brother to continue to sexually abuse me. My hair pulling got worse. I don't know when I stopped doing it. ... Fri, 11 Jul 2008 05:37:44 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/A-Strange-Confession-to-Make/4228/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/A-Strange-Confession-to-Make/4228/ The year was 1981. It was a sunny bright day and Lady Diana Spencer was marrying Prince Charles. My wee dirty old pub was pretty empty, there were not that many Royalists in the Calton in Glasgow so I had the telly switched on and watched the news coverage of the Royal Wedding. I am a sucker for a fairytale. Whereas my smatterings of wee drunk smelly men were invariably unimpressed "Turn that shite off" Archie the old safe blower shouted. He had one of those old wrinkled faces that seemed to be permanently chewing something. His skin was the colour of a tea stained chamois leather cloth, the malleable softness of his saggy face morphed into a host of shapes as his gums rotated constantly. Yet his startlingly blue eyes sparkled with fun when he chatted to you. Every story started out a dull pedestrian anecdote about one night when he had just finished work on the boats and somehow ended up with him having hard core sex- the man was deeply odd, filthy and funny. According... Tue, 08 Jul 2008 01:52:34 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Bella-the-Dancer/4227/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Bella-the-Dancer/4227/ Sometimes when I lay in bed at night my mind flickers back to old memories and I replay them like worn out over-edited home movies. In my brain I think there is a big Rolodex that I click through and occasionally stop and stare at an image, depending on my mood, I may look further, or just click on. Last night my memory home movie of choice was Ashley as a baby. I could see her wee chubby fists trying hard to pull herself up onto a chair in the bar. She could barely get her legs up; I ran over and lifted her up quickly before she fell over. My cousin Sammy was looking after her at the time "Janey, leave her she needs to learn to climb up things" I knew he had a close eye on her but I recall that deep tugging feeling in my soul each time she looked dangerously close to falling. I had to run to catch her. Then my brain switched images and I saw Old George my barman carrying cases up from the cellar. He was a retired bar manager, but came out of his retirement to work for us. I... Sat, 05 Jul 2008 23:15:32 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/In-My-Mind/4226/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/In-My-Mind/4226/ I am home and safe. Ashley is slightly burnt, my poor wee girl! She managed on the first day of the holiday to fall over, tits over hair and skint her two knees, then she got her shoulders burnt despite wearing factor 50, and then she had a migraine. It was fun though. We spent hours sitting on that amazing balcony watching the sun go down over the beautiful pools, laughing listening to music and chatting. Wonderful stuff. We had such a good time, we have great photo's to upload and will do so soon. Its great being back home, I did miss husband. Lanzarote was so lovely and nothing what I expected at all. Playa Blanca was really peaceful and nice. The weather was really hot though and being Scottish, I melted a wee bit. Meanwhile I need to remind all you good people in Norwich that I am doing my one woman comedy show at the Norwich Playhouse Theatre on July 25 th , do come along and see me! Speak soon. Fri, 04 Jul 2008 17:15:20 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Am-Back-from-Lanzarote/4225/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Am-Back-from-Lanzarote/4225/ I am so very hot and sticky, but of course I am in Lanzarote. I never knew heat like this, it is relentless and burning every pore in my body. Thank God for the beautiful cool blue swimming pools here in our hotel. I simply wake up, pull on a cozzie, walk down for a chilled orange juice and then fall into the still flat cool pool. Now that's life! Floating about...enjoying the peacefulness as there are hardly any guests here, let alone screaming babies or drunks who do pyramids in the pool. Just pure serenity and I love it. Though I have to admit, I am bored. Husband did warn me of this syndrome. Apparently I yearn for peace and quiet and then make enough noise within that space because I am easily bored. Though Ashley and I have had such a laugh together, she really makes me giggle. We have dinner at night then stretch out on our balcony and chat along to our music till the sun goes down over the ocean. It would be nice of she had a chat with someone under the age of 35, as everyone... Tue, 01 Jul 2008 22:43:12 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/7-inches-from-the-midday-sun/4224/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/7-inches-from-the-midday-sun/4224/ I am in Lanzarote. Due to a somewhat worrying medical situation, I missed going to Glastonbury. Ashley and I have come to Lanzarote instead. It was a surprise gift from husband. He knew I would have time off after my minor surgery and decided to treat me. So he sent Ashley and me on a last minute holiday. I would never have picked Lanzarote in my life. I hate package holidays and despise the smell of beer and kebabs. BUT this place is awesome, it is quiet and huge and the food is wonderful. We are staying at the Gran Melia Volcain in Playa Blanca. I am stunned at how great the hotel is! Its 5 star in Lanzarote standards and trust me - it shows. I am so relaxed. Ashley loves the swimming pools and I think our complex has four; I am not sure as we keep stumbling across more stuff as we walk about. The place is quiet and there are hardly any guests - which I am loving. I imagined Lanzarote to be a place where people eat hot lard and sing the ‘Birdie Song'... Fri, 27 Jun 2008 19:20:10 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Lanzarote/4223/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Lanzarote/4223/ I have been increasingly worried lately about my lovely wee step mum who hasn't been well. Then I had a medical thing of my own which meant I had to cancel my appearance at The Glastonbury Comedy Tent, so life sucks a bit. I am just back from Nottingham, I was MC at Jongleurs and I loved it. We stayed in serviced apartments with Urban Self Catering who really went out on a limb for me, they are amazing people and just wonderful hosts. The big two bedroom house was I do like Nottingham and am looking forward to my big one woman show at Norwich Playhouse. Comedy is going well. So, considering all this medical stuff goes well, Ashley and I are going to have our first holiday together in years. We are hoping to go to Turkey to Olu Deniz. I saw it on the web and it looks amazing. I really need a beach holiday and time to myself...and with Ashley! Husband hates beaches and holidays in general, so he is staying at home. I really need a break just before the Edinburgh... Mon, 23 Jun 2008 19:04:01 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Is-Life-ok/4222/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/Is-Life-ok/4222/ Unfaithful marriages are what keep gossip columns alive; it needs stupid people to read about it and feeds like barracuda's on every detail of some unfortunate couple's life to survive. The most recent and enduring story is of footballer Ashley Cole and Cheryl Tweedy of Girls Aloud fame. This yarn is still being hocked out round the glossy mags. You can't pick up a magazine without seeing the angry Mrs. Cole is in a basque with the by-line "Would you cheat on this woman?" It's an old story; stupid man cheats on gorgeous sexy wife. Why would he do that? Have you seen the woman he had a dalliance with? Is the wife not fragrant? Is she not beautiful? Why would he stray when he has this hottie at home? When did straying in a marriage have anything to do with looks? Unless you are married to the Hunch Back of Notre Dame and have a quick one night stand with Brad Pitt does that theory come into play. Society dictates that if you... Thu, 19 Jun 2008 23:23:05 +0200 http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/What-s-Sex-got-to-do-with-it/4221/ http://www.blogigo.com/janeygodley/What-s-Sex-got-to-do-with-it/4221/