Enough with the lumpy face...
I cannot believe this lumpy looking red boil is STILL on my cheek, I have tried everything to get it to come up to a head, I have had an insurmountable set of treatments been slapped on it, I have had hot water on it to draw it up....I mean it has had more attention than Princess Diana's sexual past. I don't think there is a paste or cream that hasn't been smeared onto this fucking evil lump....
Maybe I have cancer? Holy crap! What if I do? Can it be?
I am over-reacting I know, but sometimes I sit and look at it and wonder what is keeping it thriving .....If I tried to keep a spot alive that long for the
GREAT BRITISH FACIAL SPOT COMPETITION, then I would not have succeeded as much as I have now. I hate this lump.
What if it never goes away?
Ok I need to stop obsessing I know, I have done nothing but fight with husband since I got home from Festival in Edinburgh.
He tells me he would rather sleep alone than be with me, he told me he is sick of me talking, he told me he is entirely bored with my life, he doesn't want to go where I am going, he doesn't want to spend his life chatting to me on the phone from the various cities I end up in week after week.
So I sat and cried, I felt bereft of all emotions then I decided not to let anything hurt me and guard my heart. I don't need his approval for my life and I know he is feeling down and is lashing out at me because he is upset about his own stuff but I cannot fix him or fix his life. He needs to do that alone and I will carry on with my life and hope he comes through whatever he is going through, I do love him but I cannot stop my life and my ambitions to sort out his emotions. I did that shit for most of my life and guess what ....it didn't work!
Today he apologised and told me he will stop being so difficult and try more to help me. I hope he does. I have places to go and people to meet and stuff to do.
Ashley is good and is getting back into her routine so she can get back to Uni soon and I am off to London next week. I feel odd and confused tonight and worried I may just go back to being Janey who lets her self worth and emotions be dragged down a dark hole by a man who loves her, while she cries in the dark and hope one day he stops making her feel that way. Or maybe ...just maybe...I will be me again.
