Whatever site you are reading this on, please enjoy and accept my heartfelt thanks for all the support, here is my 1000th blog...
Nut Brittle and frayed tempers...
I love Lidl as the moment, their fresh trout and their low fat frozen yoghurts are the best I have EVER eaten in my food noshing life.
"Excuse me do you have nut brittle, I got it here last week and it was in your Greek produce section, where is that been moved to?" I asked a podgy faced man in the fresh veg aisle.
He pointedly ignored me and carried on talking about some bank loan he applied for to a wee red haired bloke who was stacking up Christmas cards against chocolate flavoured Santa's.
"So, I called the bank and they have refused my loan..." he droned. I watched the red haired bloke bend down deeply into the display as if he was trying to hide inside it. Podgy face carried on regardless, his bank conversation needed to be aired.
I walked off and decided, rather than do my usual thing and argue with spotty penniless podgy man, I went in search of the nut brittle on my own.
I got absorbed in my wee Lidl shopping experience and as I turned into another aisle I stumbled yet again on the podgy bank loan refused shelf stacker, he was still droning onto the red haired man "So, I then asked to be put through to head office and they kept me..." at that the red haired bloke leapt up and screamed "Shut the fuck up you annoying smelly bastard"
The red haired man threw a big tantrum and started to pull down all the Christmas trees and boxes of cards whilst screaming at the top of his voice "Fuck you Colin". Fat podgy man (who I assume is Colin) stood there aghast, and then decided the best thing to do was run away from the devastated Christmas area and leave red haired man to explain himself to the manager who was fast approaching having dashed from the Polish fish display.
Just at that moment the woman from Afghanistan who sells the Big Issue outside (she is called Tick Tack- I swear to God that's what she told me) well anyway her dog which is called ‘Bad Dog' got off its leash and ran towards the melee and bit the poor ginger haired shouty man, then tried to rape a Christmas tree by humping it hard with it wee pink tongue hanging out.
Chaos ensued, Tick Tack started running after Bad Dog and chased it back out of the store and ginger man had to be calmed down. The Lidl is just so crazy on Tuesdays - I found the nut brittle, it is so delicious you should try it.
So after my Lidl experience I headed up to Easterhouse Platform Theatre ‘The Bridge' and got some posters prepared for their display, ticket sales are going great and you can come see the show on November 14th, just call 0141 276 9696 or email them firstname.lastname@example.org for tickets, give them your details and they will get back to you.
Am still reeling about the closure on some Jongleurs comedy clubs after a take over of the company last week, loads of comics, staff and management have lost- jobs, cash and future work and I am just hoping they all recover at this difficult time near Christmas.