Janey Godley's Blog

I am all set to go to the Fringe, my show is ready, my bags are packed and today I found another lump in my breast. I have had biopsies before and am currently ‘under surveillance’ in the lumpy tit department and just when I thought I was safe…

I am smiling though, as I have been fretting so much about my show-tickets sales-reviews..Etc..Etc..And after all that I might have to get me tit lopped off! Great!

I am not going to worry myself sick; I just need to go through another biopsy and mammogram. That really hurts you know. I don’t want to scare anyone but getting your tits squashed by two flat plates until your boobies resemble thin and crispy pizza’s is fucking deathly painful. I know I have done it twice before. You think your tits will POP! If they squeeze them one more centimetre, Guys reading this? Imagine your nuts flattened by two ceramic bathroom tiles and pressure on them till they look like prawn dim sum!

 

The show will go on, I am talking to my doc tomorrow and he will decide what day I go to breast clinic and I will go on stage that night as I HAVE to…and I WANT to.

 

On another note, I managed to scar my daughter’s eyebrow. She asked me to wax them and the wax tape was so strong that it ripped out her wee tough eyebrows and has left a big strip of red bruise above her eyeball! She is telling people I gave her a black eye!

 

I am on the radio this week, if you check

Friday 5th August
11.00am
BBC RADIO 4 (FM only)
RADIO
"WE'RE ALL GROWN UP HERE"
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Alex Dickson Clyde 2 ‘Authors’
Wednesday 17^th August: 10:00 PM - 10:30 Pm

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ON TV THIS MONTH YOU CAN SEE

Wednesday 24th August
10.30pm
BBC1 SCOTLAND
COMEDY
"VOICES SCOTLAND"
Scottish comics including Stanley Baxter and Janey talk about the Scottish language (i.e. Scottish English NOT Gaelic). Also available outside Scotland on Sky channel 941

Everything else can be checked on my website

www.janeygodley.co.uk

Read in the newspapers today that TV Hypnotist Paul McKenna has been ‘training’ Scottish hotel staff to ‘be friendlier’ to their paying public, as we Scots are known for our ‘shit service’.

Can you believe that we need a hypnotist to teach us to be nice to people who are using our services?

I do…though I cant imagine how Paul McKenna would have treated my old staff back in that Pub in the East End of Glasgow, no amount of eye staring and positive thinking would have stopped my boys from pissing in your pint if you annoyed them!

They did some nasty things to the evil annoying customers that irritated us…one old customer was a big fat bloated wife beating bastard, who used to stand at the end of the bar and shout orders to us like we were fucked up mental patients, he particularly hated me as I always answered him back.

Some men in that pub HATED any woman who answered back; it was the kinda place that if a woman didn’t wear an underskirt she was eligible for electric shock treatment!

Anyway this fat dude called Albert, put his wife down in front of people, he berated my staff and thought he owned the place.

To show off he used to demand a pot of tea in the middle of a busy service, he was never charged for it as he was a regular, but I know a barman who used to skip to the toilet and squeeze his teabag in the TOILET BOWL, then bring it into the kitchen and make up his pot of tea for him….!!!

Mind you that probably is just a joke!

I am sure Albert’s tea was perfect and no one got a pissed pint.

 

Seriously though-Scottish service can be dodgy; we still haven’t quite gripped pleasing the public yet. I go up North regularly and stop off at different wee tea/lunch places and am often appalled at the food and service. The amount of café’s or tearooms that I have visited in the countryside and been offered ‘Taste’s like Milk’ portions with my coffee is awful. I mean we are IN THE COUNTRYSIDE …how many cows surround us? Is it so hard to get fresh milk there?

 

On the flipside when we do come across a good place it is awesome and very well done, one of my favourites is the George Hotel in Inverary is great. The food is fresh and local and the menu changes regularly, it’s also reasonable and the service is so prompt and helpful.

Another good place is between St.Andrew’s and Perth its called The Bein Inn. A great live music venue at night, surrounded by amazing hills and forestry, the food is just top notch. The service there is also first class and again fresh local produce and amazing fish dishes.

 

On another note…

 

Am all set for Edinburgh and can’t wait, I have been worried about it but NOW I AM UP FOR IT!

Can you believe it? I am going to the world’s best festival to perform and do something I love EVERY NIGHT…life does not get better.

Mind you I am not buying a pot of tea from ANYONE even if Paul McKenna has trained them first.