So I woke up and husband says “Why don’t we go for a long walk in the woods?” I thought to myself ‘Yes so you can kill me and bury deep, deep in the undergrowth since I have been nothing but a bitch since stopping smoking ‘
“It will be lovely and then we can go for lunch” He added.
So there we were, half way up the 5 mile hike at Arrochar. It’s called the Cats Coil walk, the hills were killers to my sore knee and immediately I realised this climb was a mistake.
My legs ached and we had only started! The sun came out and started burning us both and I was wearing heavy jeans.
I improvised, I took off my jeans and bared my fat ass to the rock face as I tied my ‘Hoodie’ around my waist and zipped it up then wrapped it again to look like a short skirt, at least it was cooler and I now have an idea to give the government about ‘How to use a Hoodie in different ways to suit your climate’ as they are banning Hoodie wearers from town centre’s. All those nasty kids can tie them around their waists!
As we started to wilt in the heat, I decided to take off my top and walk in my bra. There was no one near us and deep deep in the woods we were unlikely to stumble on a Church group.
There I was marching in my lovely black ( so love that colour) bra, then I decided to go one step further and take off my bra and walk in my short tied up skirt and just go TOPLESS!
It was EXHILERATING!! I am not an exhibitionist that way although I would set fire to my leg at a bus stop to get attention….but not naked!
My breasts felt so cool and walking was an amazing sensation doing it naked! Husband just smiled and said “Don’t worry if anyone comes in sight I will let you know”
I replied “I can see- you know, just because I have no top on does not mean I have suddenly went blind”
We both laughed and he told me I had nice boobs.
“Thanks, the rabbits and small furry animals think so as well” I added.
I felt the show was now over and time to cover up.
I pulled on my top and decided to walk faster to help build up muscle and strength in my sore knee (injury from years ago).
In the middle of the peaceful woods overlooking Loch Long I took a phone call from BBC to discuss a show I am on tonight. They want me to talk about child abuse (I am a survivor) and I kinda felt that my chat about abuse sullied the beauty of the place….my naked tits didn’t though!
It was a good day and I even managed not to shout and snap at husband.
He did suggest I take a picture of me topless in the woods for the blog, but I think that will take the whole thing into a territory that will be scary and slightly psycho sexual!
Tune into tonight Sunday BBC radio 5 live at 10pm if you wanna catch the show.