Rambling

Well had a fund night out last night with K from Halifax. Grand Final is soon. Hawkes made it, so my brother is quite pleased.

My pc is still playing up a little, so go figure what the problem is. Not speed, not security settings. It's probably just AVG going overboard scanning every page I want to go to.... Ping and DNS are fine. speed is fine. tracert for most sites is ok -except hotmail and ninemsn. Even my mum's computer had the same tracert result...

Anyways, K said she can come to NZ in January too, which is awesome. It shoud be heaps of fun. Anyways, going to leave it there tonight.   Oh  mum was wanting me to get my front teeth fixed. They were broken when I was younger and have a ting grey mark in the middle - only stans out if you stare...and she manages to bring it up as if she has only just noticed EVERY single time that she brings it up.  (it is not the first time she has brought it up almost annually since I was little). I will get around to it eventually, I have never been told there is a problem with the capping. The grey is nerve damage. 

Alright enough. 

Have been battling with a internet connection issue the last few days. Ended up being WIndows Defender interfering with AVG progam by the looks of it cos I am having better luck now....

Getting over a cold as well. Wish I had had a few days off work, cos yesterday was a struggle as I was working the job alone. It was busy and I got confused by a couple of things. 

My brother actually seems abit happier lately. He invited me to the footy with him and dad. I am not going, but it was nice to be asked. I know my last entry was not a happy one. Perhaps I should just try not let things get to me. It's normal for families to have their own lives. This family just isn't close. I need to stop wishing for it to change cos it isn't going to. 

We had a couple of people leave work this week. A farwell last night but I didn't go cos I wasn't feeling good at all. Oddly I feel ok today.....Still going to take it easy this weekend though.

Some of you may remember the TV show 90210....well it's back and apparently from what I read in a magazine, Dylan and Kelly have a kid.....When you look back it really was a ridiculously tortured show. Brandon Dylan and Kelly    Dylan Brenda and Kelly.....  It's all about Kelly. I actually preferred Dylan and Brenda and stopped watching once "Valerie" started on the show, it just got so crap. 

 

 

 

Well a few changes happening at work. My co worker is planning on retiring as he has been doing the job 12 years, and his wife wants him too and they want to move near the grandkids etc. Lovely for him, but he is decreasing his hours which means I will probably be carrying most of the workload, which I feel like I  have basically been doing since I started. My relief co worker only had 4 days training and I was having to still teach him while the guy was on leave, and now this. I have two days this week on my own which will  be interesting. I have coped so far, but it is a shit load to do for one person. I was promised they would look at coverage (help) for the decreased hours. I was mainly annoyed at being left out of the loop about it all until the last bloody minute. Seems pretty frigging rude and a little unbalanced treatment. I was training the relief in other areas of the job today, because he will need to know it if something happens. 

But anyways, I am going down the great ocean rode this weekend which I am looking forward to. Haven't done that since I was like 17 or so, which is a while ago now. I have been a little nostalgic lately. Just I guess resinging myself to the fact certain family dynamics are not going to change. I wish I had a better relationship with my brother, but half the time he doesn't even seem to register I am in the room. I know I shouldn't let it hurt me, but it does. I have tried having lunches with him, asked him to see Bill Bailey with me. Not interested. When he visits at mums place, it is like he just zones in on her. He barely even acknowledges my presence when I am there. Never mind the fact we hardly see each other or have conversations. If he is not talking to mum he will use the computer. He has a mental illness, fine but fuck it hurt, because all it tells my brain is that I am nothing to him. 

Dad I haven't heard from in a while - not since we had lunch. Really, can't say I can be bothered making the effort when he and his wife have done nothing to be make me feel welcome or even attempted to be pleasant. No, it's ok to not answer doors and pick on me for not being able to have kids and send me to a hotel.  I feel strange with mum as well considering the whole not selling the house thing. I don't trust her anymore and I don't when or if that is going to change. I don't know why my family hates me. 

I just don't understand what I have done to have such damaged family relationships and I wish it wasn't the case. 

Sorry the post wasn't so happy and cheery. 

I am very glad it's the weekend. Work is ok. The other account controller gets back from holidays on Tuesday which will be good. I wont have to be showing someone the ropes AND trying to get my work done as well.

What else is news - saw the new batman film "Dark Knight" it was pretty good. Heath Ledger is awesome in it. Still, a pretty violent film.

The Olympics started last night, so I watched the opening ceremony. I missed the Sydney and Athens I think because I was travelling. 

Am going to see the comedian Bill Bailey when he comes out which will be good. I got the idea from a night out a few weeks ago. A group of us from work went to the comics lounge and it was fantastic. A meal and a few drinks, whilst listening to stand up comedy.  

I have been looking at the memorial site to J on facebook and thinking about what he and T did. Crying a little when I remember it and wishing I had done things differently. I just don't get how people have written such beautiful things about this person who was, from my perspective, so awful. I think at the time I did put up with certain things to cope with what they were doing. I feel cheated of giving Japan a sincere shot though, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Being shy didn't help matters either. I just wish it didn't make me such an easy target to pick on.

 

Not much on this weekend. Probably going hiking next weekend with K, which will be fun. We are also voluteering together at a writers festival. I am looking forward to it.  

Am going to see Wicked this weekend, which I am looking forward to. YAY. Is going to be interesting to see how they transform the book to the stage. Really excited. Sounds like quite a lot of effects are involved too - characters walking into the audience and stuff....

Work is OK. We started training a new step up today because the other lady apparently didn't work out.  The new guy is doing good, especially after only 4 days. I am doing most of his bloody training though which I find interesting since the other person I work with has been doing the job longer - he is very elderly though. I guess they have confidence in my knowledge and ability to pass it on.

I haven't heard from K since she got back. Ended up deleting her from facebook - she had a welcome back drinks session for everyone and didn't invite me. I texted her and she was not terribly responsive. So I guess she is not wanting to have anything to do with me. I am a little sad, because I have known her for like 6 or 7 years. But I think we are just so opposite, and she is still holding a grudge from me being sick and not able to go out and I am sick of explaining it to her. I simply don't have the stamina to have a 12 or 14 hour session OR to finish off a bottle of wine in an hour. Sorry if that makes me a freak. 

I probably shouldn't be surprised considering all she did was be negative and make snide comments about stuff while I was visiting her in London. It was like she was turning her nose up at everything Eeew Leicester Square.  Eeeew Camden Markets food. For fuck sake, I am not that hard to please. I enjoyed my sightseeing and stuff I did there. But no - according to her all I did was look at buildings. 

She even got pissed off I didnt want to stuff around at the airport to buy a mobile phone. "what's wrong with...?" A real friend wouldn't say things to put you down and wouldn't say shitty things like

" I used to think you were a freak....your whole family is fucked.....as any travel agent would tell you, you need (x) amount of money to travel....."

By the end of the trip I wanted nothing to do with her and I guess she felt the same way. But this isn't the only time she has been like it. Maybe I just haven't noticed as much or maybe I have been tolerant. But I was simply offended this time. I was trying to have a good time and anything I suggested, she would turn her nose up at. "Oh, you've started knitting have you".

 Like I said, we are just so opposite. I like tennis, she hates it. She gets pissed off I didn't ask her to see Boy From Oz and that I just went by myself and yet when I want to go to a West End with her, she cancels telling me she wants to save her money to go with her cousin. If she is not turning her nose up at things, she is complaining about not meeting someone and the fact other friends are getting married - but she knows its going to end in divorce because they are highschool sweethearts. Then it's whingeing about the fact it's never going to happen so I want a career - you need to do something about yours....