http://www.blogigo.com/Whatyouhavemademe Just a place to leave my thoughts. Whether they are read or not! xo en cute_when_i_SCREAM cute_when_i_SCREAM Thu, 28 Dec 2006 08:26:34 +0100 daily 1      She's probably the most influential person that has ever been involved in my life. She had no idea how much she would grow to mean to me or how much I miss her and that is the hardest part about it. There are some things that you can't tell your friends because they would think badly of you, or your mom because she'd be dissappointed, or your boyfriend because he wouldnt understand.. but I know I could have said those things to her. And I know I would have been loved, and understood, and helped through anything. But I have no one who is that to me now so I am alone in everything. Sometimes I think that I am almost angry at her for not taking the time to say goodbye to me individually. So I could have at least had that to remember. Had she told me that she loved me and that she would always be here for me maybe I wouldnt question it so much. But maybe she had her reasons, like trying to make it easier on me back then... I have no idea what her motives would have been. I probably... Thu, 28 Dec 2006 08:26:34 +0100 http://www.blogigo.com/Whatyouhavemademe/Fix-Me/4/ http://www.blogigo.com/Whatyouhavemademe/Fix-Me/4/      I am absolutely infatuated with a few songs by this band right now... everytime I hear this song, my eyes well up. It sums up alot of how I feel right now - however that works. Thought I'd share it with you. All your twisted thoughts free flow to ever lasting memories - show soul Kiss the stars with me and dread the wait for stupid calls, returning us to life We say to those who are in love it can't be true cause your too young. I know thats true because so long I was so in love with you - so I thought A year goes by and I can't talk about it. The times were right, but I couldn't talk about it On my knees dimlighted room thoughts free flow try to consume myself in this im not faithless - just paranoid of getting lost - without I might lose Ignorance is bliss - charish it. Pretty neighborhoods you learn to much to lose believe it not. And fight the tears wth pretty smiles and lies about the time ... Tue, 26 Dec 2006 05:52:00 +0100 http://www.blogigo.com/Whatyouhavemademe/I-Can-t-talk-about-it/3/ http://www.blogigo.com/Whatyouhavemademe/I-Can-t-talk-about-it/3/      The last few years, all I have been concerned about in my life is having people like me. I didn't have many friends in highschool. I was overweight and depressed.. I was the "goth" (though i have ALWAYS hated that word!) girl who people seemed afraid of at times. I moved as soon as I graduated, To a city where I fit in. I had friends, boys liked me, I just became popular.      Even then, things in my life were spinning out of control... but nothing mattered as long as people knew my name and liked me. I began what is still an issue in my life - eating disorders. Some days I eat nothing, others I binge and purge. Most days now, I just eat once a day. Like a salad, etc. Otherwise, I feel huge.      This was a lot worse last summer when I was a hardcore alcoholic. I drank every night even if I had to do it alone in my room. And with not much food in my stomach, it pretty much always made for rough times. I'd go to work drunk/hungover - it was my... Mon, 18 Dec 2006 22:02:41 +0100 http://www.blogigo.com/Whatyouhavemademe/Play-Dead-Dear/2/ http://www.blogigo.com/Whatyouhavemademe/Play-Dead-Dear/2/      I don't know if anyone reads these.. I just did a search for a blog site because I had to get some things out an dI have no way of doing so in the real world. I am even afraid that if I were to write in a real journal, someone would eventually find it and I would have to relive these times again, explaining them. So I'm here to get out a few things.      I'm sick. I knew I was sick when I met him, yet it hadn't been confirmed. But.. I knew. I knew from the moment I found out he was interested in me that I wouldn't be able to carry on a relationship with him because I did'nt want to have to tell him I was sick. Because I have way to much pride to let anyone know that I'm not 100% all the time.      Only a month into the most amazing relationship of my life, I got my confermation. So I started acting distant and I guess a little crazy. One night he had only been at my place for about an hour and he just sort of got up and was like,... Mon, 18 Dec 2006 12:29:51 +0100 http://www.blogigo.com/Whatyouhavemademe/I-m-so-sick-Infected-with-were-I-live/1/ http://www.blogigo.com/Whatyouhavemademe/I-m-so-sick-Infected-with-were-I-live/1/