Secret Diaries - Sandy and Leafy
Secret Diary of Ebay Leafy aged 44 and five sixths
Dear Diary,
I fink that fat Sandy bloke is doing somefink to me. I keep getting pains in mi bum. I never ad em before and now I get em every day. I went to see the doctor and ‘e said that mi bum was a bit tired but that I didnt ‘ave piles. So it must be im. E’s doin sumfink ‘orrible to me. I know ‘e is. . I shall ‘ave to keep a close eye on what ‘e is up to. ‘E keeps chatting to that Satan bloke when he finks I cant ‘ear.
Dear Diary
That leafy is driving me nuts. He is as thick as a plank. How can we set up a lying website business if he cannot even spell his own name. All that w*nking has rotted his brain. I am going to read my copy of Grimm’s Fairy Tales to him and see if we can improve him a bit.
Secret Diary of Ebay Leafy aged 44 and five sixths
Dear Diary
That Sandy read me a bedtime story last night. It were by someone called Grimm and ‘e said it might help me read better but it were ‘orrible when he got to the bit where ‘Ansel and Gretel wos nearly ate by the witch. It frightened me and I weed the bed again. I got the sheets dried though before Sandy found out. ‘E wont let me ‘ave my morning fags if I wet the bed. I fink that ‘e is stealing them when I am not looking. E’s eating my biscuits too.
Dear Diary
That bloody Leafy is still driving me nuts. I tried reading to him last night but he got over excited. Would you believe that when I got to the bit about the witch in Hansel and Gretel story he kept shouting “She’s behind you” all the time.
Satan was not happy today either and sent a goblin to plague me. I farted at him but it did not drive him away. Never mind. I spotted that Grimsdale bitch in Omar’s and I have a cunning plan to see the end of her.
