Pink Piggy Extra - Ruby Hits town
Pink Piggy Extra
Ruby Hits Town 1
By Ruby Rasta
Hi! Mi loves, dis be ya ole friend Ruby again, ya all done tink a won dat lottery ting. Dat lovely Egypt man invite me an ma friend Ebeneezer for spend one week in dat Luxor place. Affa one day a says to ma friend dat a doant see dat many hustlers sin a strut ma stuff up dat Lexington by 42nd. At least we wearing skirt, here dem is all wearing trousers man.
Straight ways a sees dem three Dolly sisters, Sandy, Leafy an dat midget prat Noddy (he shure look like runt end of bastard litter) sashaying dem tipped up arses, an a shure is talking tip up high man, along dat Corniche. Dem is all powderin dem noses and a shoutin ‘Weese open for business.’ A guess you can say dem is speakin dat ‘queen’s English.’ Dat Du'stan him playin macho dis week. A tell ya all, I doant see dat many bananas since a visit Jamaica. Confidentially, someone done tell me dat Leafy is a practising dem (P.E’s) psychosomatic ejaculations a done read about. Well, he done talk s**t most a da time so a guess PE’s come next when ya is headin for 50 faster dan a souped up Harley Davidson.
Straight ways we done had a meal in dat restaurant Plantern, now ise a tellin you, dat is one swell place an dat owner lady is one upmarket doll. A gotta tell ya also a done see a female Gangagrab straight ways as a done leave dat restaurant. A sees flats for rent an a says to Ebeneezer, ‘Mi love whata bout a buys flat in dis place.’ He not shure cos he doant fancy wagglin him arse like is custom.. Anyway, we goes in one agency an straight off we sees Leafy wagglin him swinging buttocks cross da floor, an a can tell ya, he doant have much cos in ma past business we always checks dem out for dem equipment. Him wearin baseball cap one of dem tings dat go outa fashion long time. Him face bloated like ripe pumpkin in August. Dat is when a done see dat female Gangagrab for da first time in ma life, an she shout ‘Piss off, dis place not open for business, we talking takeover business an we not have time for spies likes a you.'
Dat is when A sees Noddy and Leafy sittin on dem arse and one man I tink him lawyer cos he have brief case. A is a telling you all, dat bleached blonde doant know who she talking to, I knows Mafia when a sees it an a done see more like dem lot in 42nd Street than she have good dinner. An da way she talk man, she leave more of dem words behind dan come outa dat gob. Is like dat Sandy talk where dem cut offa dem words cos dem tongue been pushed backward cos of dem nasty habits. Ise a said to Ebenezer I shure is glad ma momma done get me dem helecution lessons down in Alabama. Some a dem morons dem tink a comes from dat Africa cos dem doant knows geography like ah does.
Someone tell me dat Noddy done get married an him lookin for dem children under dat mulberry bush he done read about. Well, as dem all is sayin in dat Luxor, wishful thinking got Moses over dat Red Sea so ifn he doant find dat mulberry bush, he best go paddlin. Cos, a been hearin also, dat him shack is in da path of an approaching hurricane and paddlin might come in handy when him arse land in dat river Nile.
Also a hear dat Sandy him done recently suffer a series of reversed seismic farts. Dem is sayin dat all him ‘written’ diatribes rebound an push up him rectum like Hob Nob balloon. A tink ya can all call it poetic justice that s**t go back where it come from. All of dem in Luxor is splitting dem side cos him predictions drop him in it up to him neck.. Iffa ya tink him stink afore, ya all in for big surprise now. As him friend Oscar done said, ‘Once seen never remembered,’ iffa ya lucky!
I only see dat Du'stan one time, him lying in dat Rimbad cafe surrounded by empties an singin Somewhere Over the Rainbow.
I done tell ya all, affa one week in dat Luxor a be in Harlem fa get me some reality lesson. Ma friends ere be askin me why ah is a twitching alla da time and lookin over ma left shoulder. A keeps quiet but ya all have da blessings of ya old friend dis Ruby. An ise a promise ya all a gots lots more to write about my time in dat place.
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