AkudanKau

Mood: blue-ish?

to lovely ly..

Honestly, I was (maybe still am) a bit confused.

For the first time since I have known you, I get this uncomfortable feeling of being misconstrued.
It was like being struck by a lightening.
"Oh dear me, how far have my gestures been misinterpreted?"

I thought I needed to sleep on it before writing it down and letting you read it.
But somehow I also thought it would be better to get it all out in the open to avoid anymore misunderstandings.
Our friendship is far too priceless to be put at such stakes.

And I am sure it was only a misunderstanding, due to womans hormonal changes..

We've had plenty conversations, haven't we?
The meaningful ones and well.. not so.. too
(let's admit it, sometimes we are just yapping!)

But yesterday, it got rather personal.
Do not get me wrong.
This one was only about you and I.
(Noone else was involved!)

Do you remember the moment before I signed out?
You were telling me that you probably would not be able to go online for a chat as often.
Thinking you were being serious about it, I only said it's ok.
I said, 'first things first'.
(If that's the case, I appreciate it anyway.)
And you commented on how easy it was for me to respond just like that?

Strangely, it gave me an itch!
There's no reply for you but there were seconds when I wondered of how you would have wanted me to respond?
I mean, I trully understood if (!) in fact, you wouldn't be able to chat with me like you usually do so far.
I would miss you, but it wouldn't be a bad thing, would it?

I couldn't be honest with you at that moment, I was a little bit hurt.
Were you teasing me?
I never knew.
(and if you were, then my apologies for misunderstanding this!)

That is why I said to you that I needed to digest it before actually telling you because I don't want to be misinterpreted.
I could be wrong about you, just as much as you could be wrong about me.
And before that happens, I need to straighten things out.
For our sakes.

Dear Ly,
As much as I like to be considered funny, I don't actually have that great of sense of humour.
I'd find it difficult to separate "jokes and serious stuff".
Looks like for this matter, I couldn't be in between.
Couldn't be in the grey.
More likely, either in black or white.
It's pathetic.
Like love, there's only a thin line between joking and being serious.
And for most cases, I would normally fail to acknowledge.
And for this, I do apologise.
I'll try much better next time.

And what about me taking 'the possibility of us not "seeing" each other as often' so easy?
Well, you must still remember my writing.
My thoughts on friendships and fears?
I said,
"I don't let anything stay where I want it to be when I know I cannot make it that way."
This, my friend, is exactly it.
Would I want you to be there the whole time for me?
Of course!
Could you always deliver?
Perhaps not.
This is just the fact.
And I understand.
I respect your (other) priorities and I take it rather seriously.

So Darling,
Please do not make fun of this (my!) situation, because I am not smart enough to translate it.

I know you didn't meant to be misconstrued.
And I totally agree that PMS has messed up my brain, again
just like it has taken my sense of humour.
I misinterpret and I get easily misunderstood too.
That's not me talking.
That's my feelings.

But now you know me better.
So let's move on.

the confused me
x

to dear ly

Honestly, I was so glad to know you're okay.
That you are on the mend.
I really hope everything is fine.

It has certainly gone very quiet.
Without your company, I was on my own.
Whenever I write, I think of you.
It would have been nice to share stories again.
I do, still, write to you, the way I always do.
Only this time, you're not there.

It's not the same.
It's okay.

I only wanted to tell you,
That, you are missed!!

it's still me..

to Ly

I heard you're not well.

What is it that you are feeling?
I am sure mostly it's coming deep down from your mind.
I feel so sad to know you're in a bad state. I don't know how badly it is, but just to know it, isn't actually nice.
I wish I could be there for you...

I know it's been a while that you've kept all those things inside.
I am not asking you to share them (with me) only for your sake.
I am not in the right place to be the one you confide in.
So take your time and I am sure you'll be fine.

I only want you to know that whenever you need someone, even to listen to your whine, you could always come to me.

I sincerely hope everything will turn out alright for you.
For both of you.

Remember, there's always the light at the end of the tunnel.
Who knows, you might as well have already been there?
Be strong, my little sister.

I wish you all the best!

from me,
with love

teruntuk Ly

When a beautiful soul like yours touches a life, it leads only to its beauty.

Maybe what you've said (about me) is correct. I don't know. I certainly don't see it. I cannot. I don't have a mirror to see my own reflection. But it is from you that I could see it through. What a beauty should be like..

It is only impossible to reach perfection.
I've known that for some time and yet, still find it difficult to comply.
But it is with you, I found out that things could be as easy as they actually are to go through..
Not always.
There are times when you let me see inside you through.
And there are sadness, doubts, anger, tears, fears..
I understand.
It is our bless, as a woman, to be able to feel this sensitively.
(Don't care if men would say, we, women, only think with our heart, not brain.. but to me, whatever it is, it still counts!)

I admire you for being so strong in life.
I know you know it.

When a beautiful soul like yours touches my life, it certainly leads to its beauty.
I have now seen so much.
And it is beautiful..

darikoe,

Setelah saat-saat yang kita lewati bersama (walau hanya sekejap) aku bisa menarik sebuah benang putih kesimpulan.

Keindahan mu ada di dalam diri mu, dalam hati mu.

Kekuatan mu ada di dalam ketulusan mu.

Kau jalani hari-hari mu dengan ketulusan, keikhlasan dan penuh pengorbanan. Yang bahkan tak kau rasakan.

Walau (mungkin) kau merasa masih belum bisa merasakan keikhlasan yang sepenuhnya, walau (mungkin) kau masih merasa ada ganjalan di dalam hati mu (ataupun bahkan sempat terlontarkan) tetapi nurani mu berkata lain.

Sekeras-kerasnya keinginan mu dan sekeras-kerasnya hati mu, tak akan bisa meleburkan kelembutan hati mu. Disanalah terletak kekuatan mu, sebentuk kelembutan dan kasih sayang.

Sebuah sisi lain dari mu yang tak akan pernah bisa kau tanggalkan.

Kekayaan jiwa yang tak akan bisa terbeli oleh apapun juga.

Sungguh beruntung aku bisa mengenal mu.

It is you A 

darikoe,

Dear Adikku Sayang,

It has been such a roller coaster in the past few weeks, hasn't it? From start to finish! It has been fun and full of love.
But, you can be sure, it isn't the end. 

Apa kabarmu?
Janganlah dipikir, bila sudah berjauhan, begitu pula perasaan.. Yang connect begini, nggak bisa dengan sembarang orang! Dan aku bersyukur, antara kau dan aku, terjalin.

Bahasaku nggak bagus. Nggak bisa puitis..  Tapi inilah curahan dariku. Masih terbetik, besarnya perhatianmu. Aku terharu.
Aagh, kangennya tertawa-tawa lagi denganmu.. Sungguh, asyik banget rasanya jadi "perempuan" lagi.. Hi hi hi..

Mau ke mana kita, setelah ini?
Yang jelas, aku masih di sini...

oentoek Ly..

from me,

Shall I say, "See You Again Soon?" 

Honestly, I have never really liked saying goodbye to good times..
Same as you.

But look at it this way:
There is always tomorrow. We could always meet up again.. (God's willing)

I understand completely how you feel. I am not leaving you.. I am only leaving where you are. I know it's a long way to go. I won't be just a phone call away.. (with few coins in your pocket!) but believe me, I will still be here and there for you.

It has been lovely, getting to know you. It really has been. It's like finding another piece of puzzle. Which I hope in the end, will complete.  It is true, I am living my life. You cannot control it the way you want to. But Darling, you are in the same boat too. You have your own to live on and I am only one of so many accessories inside.

I will not say goodbye then. I don't want to.

And the good times we have had together, will always remain.

We'll stay in touch.

sending you lots of love...

Dearest,

Don't know what to say .. I'm speechless, my throat is sore.

One thing i hate the most is saying goodbye. Or .. taking my closest peep to the place they have to leave me, alone (again). Do you know how it feels?

But still, i have no right to stop them moving forward. Even to stop 'my only one'. Though he said he's mine but he just can't fulfill my wishes for him to stay (right) beside me. So, is he really mine ?

Not even you. Though you're one of my closest peep but i don't have you. You had your own live. We're even just met though we felt like we've known each other since a long time ago.

My sincerest gratitude to you for coming into my life and add some more color into my life which is a bit grey and plain lately. You've brighten up my days. Thanks to you.

But never say goodbye (please).

with love and care,

Laily

boeat Ly
dari teh iwoek

Aduh, bagus banget yang kamu tulis belakangan ini. (Your English is superb!)

Really hope this friendship lasts a lifetime.

rather difficult to write what i am feeling at the moment.
maybe check out dropdeadbeautiful..

Though we don't see each other very much,

nor do we write to each other very much,

nor do we phone each other very much.

I always know that,

at anytime I could call, write or see you

and everything that I am thinking.

                        Our friendship does not depend on being together,

                        it is deeper than that.

                        Our closeness is something inside of us,

                        that is always there,

                        ready to be shared with each other

                        whenever the need arises.

                        It is such a comfortable and warm feeling

                        to know that we have such a lifetime friendship.

                        And we will always treasure our friendship.

I just want you to know for sure

that i will always be here for you (as well).

TYVM Teh Iwoek

cheers to Ly!

(

still, teh-i.

Hh.. nggak gampang ya ternyata bila kita memupuk suatu yang baru? Ada perasaan was-was.. kira-kira tumbuh berkembang nggak? bener nggak cara kita ngerawatnya? Blah...blah...blah...

Terima kasih sudah bercurah hati.. Meskipun sempet bertanya-tanya, Alhamdulillah, nggak separah yang aku duga. Cuma kekuatiran dan ketakutan saja. Aku sih nggak nyepelein, tapi berharap kamu juga tidak memperlakukannya berlebihan. Yang sederhana aja ya.. Aku, sebagai sahabat, kakak, atau apapun buatmu, tidak masalah. It's that simple. Aku senang bisa bikin orang bahagia.. tapi, jangan diberatin ya.. Ntar tertekan dan ketakutan dan kekuatiranmu terjadi. Biasa aja.

(minta ituuuuu saja, nggak apa kan?)

Oke. Satu babak yang ini sudah kita lewatin. Semoga Ly lebih mengerti. Aku juga bukan sosok sempurna kok (damn perfectionist!) tapi terus terang, aku belum pernah (semoga juga tidak) terpikir punya ketakutan dan kekuatiran seperti Ly. Aku nggak menggantung harapan setinggi langit, karena aku tau kita cuma manusia biasa. Kalopun ada mencong-mencongnya, aku yakin, kita bisa bagusin.. Kan nggak semua melulu hitam atau putih. Ada abu-abu juga. Mungkin di situlah kita..

Selamat tidur Ly.

Semoga lelap dan besok asyik-asyik lagi..

x

dari Teh, buat "Tick-a-tick"!

Uih.. enaknya ngapain ya? Habis tiga hari ini ngendon aja di rumah. Bosen sih bosen... tapi memang nggak bisa ke luar.. rencana nemuin Ly aja udah susah! Kangen sih, habis suara aja di telepon nggak cukup.. (terus terang, enakan lihat orangnya langsung!)

Aku memang lagi sibuk luar biasa. Kalau mau diikutin rasa capeknya sih, cuapek! Tapi kan udah belajar dari Ly untuk mengerjakan sesuatu dengan ikhlas. Ikhlas yang nggak pakai tapi... Jadi ya, dijalanin aja.. No problemo! Aku percaya kok, kalo "senyum itu ibadah".. jadi sebisa mungkin nyengir aja deh..

Eh, makasih ya..udah bersedia jadi tempat curahan hati. Memang lagi nggak bagus nih bawaan hatiku.. Ly tau sendiri kan, gimana susahnya terjepit keadaan. Nafas aja berat. Aku sudah nggak tau lagi musti gimana, kecuali nerima. Belajar ikhlas ternyata nggak gampang ya.. Trims loh udah ngingetin aku..